


what did one lesbian say to the other lesbian?

by hawkeyesbutt



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F slur, F/F, Genderbend, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Sex, Rule 63, either tsukage or kagehina, endgame tsukage, lesbian hell, lesbians being lesbians, not sure on what endgame ship will be atm, only time will tell, soz i love lesbian volleyball players, unrequited kagehina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-05-12 20:00:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5678755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyesbutt/pseuds/hawkeyesbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you when you realise you're a lesbian and have a crush on your best friend? Kageyama hasn't the slightest idea. It's a good thing Tsukishima is there to... Make things worse, really. </p><p>rule 63!haikyuu!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. bouncing

 

Bouncing.

Kageyama had never felt so transfixed by a pair of breasts.

As she watched Hinata's form as she jumped through the air, she barely had time to take it all in. That didn't stop her from taking in one of Hinata's atributes which moved of its own accord. Hinata hit the ball, the sound richeting around the gymnasium. Her feet touched the ground once again, a look of pure glee on her smiling face. The seniors gathered around her, telling her how great of a shot it was. Kageyama could only focus on the beads of sweat that ran down her neck into her shirt. Kageyama gulped.

Hinata caught her eye, bounding over. "That was great, wasn't it?! I told you it would be! Well, I mean, I figured it would be more like 'Pow!' and 'Bwaaah!' but it was more like 'Kablam!' and 'Foof!' you know?"

"It was impressive." Was all Kageyama said, forcing Hinata to pause in her tangent.

"Huh? Really?"

Kageyama's eyes found their way to Hinata's pink, plump lips. She forced them away; what was wrong with her? Why was she struggling to look her teammate in the eye as usual? "Yeah really. It could use some improvements though. I should have made it a touch faster; it would have gone further."

Hinata was practically glowing.

"Alright alright, that's enough practice for today. Let's clear up and go home." Daichi instructed.

It wasn't long before the equipment had been cleared away and the floor sweeped. They headed off to the locker room to get changed. Kageyama stayed in the corner of the locker room to get changed as always. "Hey Kageyama-san." Kageyama turned after she finished pulling her shirt on to see Sugawara smiling. Sugawara however, was not wearing a top. "I was just wondering how your studies were going. You were dropping behind before right? Did you manage to pick up your grades?"

Kageyama tried. She tried _really_ hard to look Suga in the eye. She tried to not her eyes wander downwards to see the light pink and white spotted bra that she sported. She tried to not look at her chest, or her shoulders, or her neck; no such luck. Kageyama wasn't sure what was wrong with her to be looking at her teammate so indecently. "Kageyama?"

"What?" Kageyama replied, confused for a moment. She felt her entire face turn red as Suga looked at her in concern. "U-uh, yeah. I picked them up. T-Thanks for your help."

"Good," Suga replied, still somewhat wary. "Are... Are you okay? You seem a little distracted."

In a moment of complete idiocy, Kageyama figured the best way to avoid staring at Suga's chest was to look away from Suga completely and instead look at the locker room. You know, the locker room which was full of half-naked girls. Kageyama internally cursed as she realised her mistake. Her eyes locked onto Hinata, who was excitedly explaining a video game she had just bought to Tanaka. Her shirt was still unbuttoned, leaving her breasts to roam freely. Kageyama looked away to see Nishinoya without a skirt on, slapping her thighs and making Asahi grumble about not wanting to fight. "Fuck," Kageyama murmured, staring at the floor.

"Hey," Suga responded. Kageyama flinched, forgetting she was right there in front of her. "If something's the matter, you know you can talk to me, right? You can talk to any of us."

"R-Right," Kageyama replied, turning around. "I'll keep that in mind. Uh, thanks." She could still feel Suga's eyes burning into the back of her head, but she ignored it. She quickly pulled her jumper on over her shirt, along with her jacket. She put her ribbon tie on and grabbed her bag hastily, dashing out of the locker room with a quick farewell.

She was quick to get home. The slam of the front door caused her mother to shout. "Welcome home-" Her mother said, appearing just as Kageyama disappeared up the stairs. She threw her bags to the floor before laying down on her bed. She felt so confused. Why had she gotten so flustered by being around the other girls? She should be used to it by now.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. Maybe she wasn't feeling well. What other reason would she be looking at girls like that? It wasn't like she was attracted to them-

Something clicked in her brain and she shot up straight in her bed. No way. There was no way that she was...

Surely she was straight, right? She was supposed to grow up and find a man to marry and have children. That was what she had been told her by parents. The thought made her stomach churn. Now that she thought about it, she had never had a boyfriend before. She hadn't even had a crush on one before... As far as she could remember, she had never found any of them remotely attractive.

Maybe it was just because boys there were ugly? She shook her head; that was too harsh. She had heard tons of the girls in her class gushing over how hot some of the boys were at their school. Maybe she just had a false view of what was attractive in guys.

Or maybe she was just gay.

She shoved a pillow in her face; there was no way that was true. She couldn't be! Besides, it's not like she's ever fancied a girl either. She'd never wanted to date a girl or... Or kiss... a girl...  
She thought back to earlier when she had stared at Hinata's lips, wishing for a moment she could feel if they were as soft as they looked.

She groaned into her pillow. She couldn't believe this was happening to her, _her_ of all people. All she cared about was volleyball, and now suddenly she cared about girls? That didn't add up.  
Unless they were volleyball girls...

She remembered Suga's chest, Noya's thighs. The beads of sweat that had run down Hinata's neck under her shirt. _Oh god._

She could feel her face getting warmer and warmer the more she thought about it, feeling something strange she had never felt before in her belly. She wondered briefly what the other girls' breasts felt like to touch, Hinata's especially. Where they as soft and bouncy as they looked? How would they feel in her hands?

Clumsily, Kageyama's hands found their way to her own small breasts. Maybe she was just jealous of how large Hinata's were. Maybe that was all there was to it.

Except she had never given the slightest damn about how her body looked before. Why would she now?

Her phone beeped from where it was sat on her desk. She sighed and reached over to grab it. Unlocking it, she found two snapchats: One from Suga and one from Hinata.

She opened Suga's first.

Suga's was simply a dark screen with the text _"are you okay?"_ written on it. She must have been wondering about Kageyama's behaviour earlier.

She went to Hinata's. As she pressed her finger down on the ten-second snap, she instantly regretted opening it.

 _"just got out of the shower :p"_ Was written on top of the photo. The photo, of course, being Hinata. Dripping wet. Cleavage on show. A big smile on her face as water droplets run down her shoulders.

Kageyama dropped her phone.

"Is this a test?" Kageyama said out loud. "Is God testing me?!"

"Testing you on what, dear?" She heard, looking up to see her mother in the doorway.

"Nothing," Kageyama replied, looking away and picking up her phone again. The snap had already gone. _Curse you, Hinata._

"Are you feeling alright? You rushed up here so quickly when you got home."

"I'm fine mum. Just tired from volleyball practice."

"Ah, I see. There's food in the fridge if you want it."

"Okay."

Her mother left her to her crisis in peace. Kageyama thought about the photo again and started to feel hot. She grumbled to herself at how much of an idiot Hinata was, sending her these dumb snapchats she didn't even care about and also wishing she'd send another.

It was around five minutes later when Kageyama had decided to use the laptop to do some homework that she found she had another snapchat from Hinata.

 _"used a hairdryer & my hair went poof! :o"_ Kageyama felt her heart swell at the sight of Hinata's poofy hair. _That's cute. Probably the only cute thing there is about Hinata._ Without thinking, she screenshotted it. A moment later, Hinata sent another snap. _"why did u screenshot >:|"_ along with a picture of her frowning.

 _"because you looked so stupid"_ Kageyama replied with a black screen.

 _"at least use ur camera! so rude!!!!"_ Another shot of Hinata frowning, this time poking her tongue out.

Kageyama sighed, switching the camera around to face her. She took a simple shot. _"there now leave me alone"_

 _"u could at least smile. like this:"_ Hinata was grinning at the camera, her poofed out hair curling around her face, her big hazel eyes alight. Kageyama immediately felt taken aback by how... _Cute_ it was.

"What is happening to me." She said aloud. "This cannot be happening to me."

 This time, she sent a black screen again. _"fuck off"_ She turned her phone off then, ignoring Suga's snapchat and instead decided to go to bed. She shut her computer off, forgetting what she was going to do on there anyway.


	2. distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a hot mess

 The next day, Kageyama couldn't help but be distracted. Her thoughts were clogged up with her revelations from last night and suddenly she couldn't find herself able to look anyone in the eye.

She watched people outside from her window seat in her lessons. She tried to pinpoint what was so attractive about guys. She couldn't find a single guy she felt an attraction to.

At lunch time, Hinata came bounding up to Kageyama as usual, already complaining about how rude her snapchats were last night. Kageyama couldn't even focus on the conversation because she was trying so hard not to stare at Hinata. "Kageyama! Hey, are you listening to me?"

"What?" Kageyama replied, finally looking at the small carrot-head. Hinata frowned.

"Am I boring you? You could at least pretend to pay attention! It's just good manners! I should go sit with someone else," Hinata grumbled as they eventually sat down on the rooftop terrace.

"Yeah," Kageyama replied, already distracted. What was she going to do if she was... If she felt that way about girls? Was there someway to change it? Could she pretend to be straight for the rest of her life?

"Is it a boy?" Hinata asked, snapping Kageyama out of her reverie.

"Huh?"

"Is that why you're so distracted?" Hinata asked, a smirk playing on her lips.

"What?"

"A _boy,_ Kageyama! Are you thinking about a boy?"

"Huh? No, of course not. Why would I-" She paused. What if she was being too obvious? She didn't want anyone to find out. She didn't even want to acknowledge it herself. Maybe it was best if she lied... "Oh. Uh, yeah. A boy."

"What?!" Hinata yelled, causing some nearby students to look over. "You? You actually like someone? What the hell? All you like is volleyball!"

"That's not true!" She replied. Well, it was true, but that wasn't the problem. The way Hinata said it made her sound weird. "I... Like other things."

"Like boys?" Hinata replied, raising an eyebrow. "This is the first I've seen of it. Who is it?"

"Huh?"

"Who, Kageyama! Who is the boy you like?" Hinata replied, impatiently. She crossed her arms over her chest, distracting Kageyama momentarily. "They have to be reaaally weird for you to like them, right? Plus, they'd have to like volleyball. I couldn't imagine you liking someone who didn't play it." Hinata hummed to herself, before clicking her fingers. "They're on the guy's volleyball team, aren't they? Aren't they?"

"What? No." Kageyama replied, starting to feel uneasy. She had not thought this through in the slightest. "They... They go to a different school."

"What?! Really?!" Hinata yelled again.

"Keep your voice down," Kageyama grumbled.

"What school? Have I met them before? Did we see them at-"

"It's none of your business, Hinata."

"Yes it is! This explains why you're acting so weird! Are you dating them yet? Or do you just have a crush? Are you going to make the first move? Have you got their number?"

"Shut up! No! Leave me alone!"

"No way, I _have_ to know who's attracted _your_ attention. How long have you known them?"

"A-A while." Kageyama replied, deciding to try and answer some of the questions. Avoiding them wasn't working, so it looked like she'd have to try lying.

"Do they know you like them? Are you dating? Do they like you?"

"No, no and no. Can we stop talking about thi-"

"Have you got their number?"

"Uh... Yes...?"

"Do you text a lot? How do you talk if they go to a different school?"

"We text," Kageyama replied weakly. "I'm going to the bathroom."

"I'll come!"

"What? No, I-"

Hinata was on her feet already, dragging Kageyama to the girls bathroom. "So, what does he look like? What's his name? How old is he, is he in our year?"

"Hinata, I swear to god-"

"What are you talking about?" A familiar voice said, causing the two of them to turn. Tsukishima was walking out of a stall, moving to wash her hands. "Does Kageyama like someone? I'd find that hard to believe."

"Well she does, so you better believe it!" Hinata replied, causing Kageyama to stare at her in horror. Had she just told the person they disliked the most on their team that she liked someone? Had she just told _the most gossipy person on their team_?

"Oh really," Tsukishima replied, smirking over at Kageyama. "That's strange. I could have sworn I saw your eyes looking a different way."

Kageyama felt her blood turn cold. "What? What does that mean?" Hinata replied, obviously confused and irritated. "Don't say weird stuff that no one understands, Tsukishima."

"I didn't think that was your type, Queen." Tsukishima spoke, ignoring Hinata. She made her way to the door. "I think it's pretty obvious what you are." With that comment, she left, leaving Kageyama and Hinata alone in the bathroom.

"She always says such weird shit like that," Hinata grumbled, but Kageyama felt glued to her spot as she stared at the door. Already? She had been found out already?

"I have to go." Kageyama replied, her voice betraying her with it's quivering.

"Huh? Aren't you gonna go to the toilet? Hey!" Hinata yelled as Kageyama dashed out of the bathroom.

She hid around the back of the school where she could be alone. She slumped to the ground, putting her head in her hands. Did Tsukishima really know already? How had she worked it out? What would she do?

"It doesn't take much to get to you, does it?" The voice appeared from no where, and Kageyama turned to see Tsukishima stood above her, smirking.

"Fuck off," Kageyama replied. "You don't know anything about me."

"Oh, don't I?"

Kageyama got to her feet and glared at Tsukishima. She didn't want to be around her any longer than necessary. As she was about to leave, Tsukishima stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Don't you want to try?"

"Try what?" Kageyama replied, moving back from the touch.

"Kissing another girl."

Kageyama felt frozen in shock. She looked up at Tsukishima to see if she was serious or not. "W-what are you-"

"I've never seen someone so obvious before. Yesterday? When you were staring at Hinata all practice? Please, Kageyama. Only idiots could believe your little straight act."

"I'm not-"

"Gay? Sure. Only heterosexual women stare at other women's breasts with a hungry look in their eyes."

Kageyama stopped short, staring at the ground. "Are you going to tell anyone?"

There was silence for a moment, before Tsukishima stepped forward. She pushed Kageyama back against the wall, holding her there. Kageyama stared in terror. Slowly, Tsukishima leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Kageyama's lips.

Kageyama resisted at first. She definitely had not wanted to kiss Tsukishima, girl or not. But the more she thought about how it felt, the soft touch of her lips and the slide of her tongue, she couldn't resist for much longer. Her hands moved of their own accord, one sliding up to Tsukishima's cheek and pull her forward.

It felt amazing to be kissed. In that moment, she didn't care that it was Tsukishima who was kissing her. She just wanted more of it.

As hands started to crawl from her waist up to her chest, Kageyama snapped out of it. She shoved Tsukishima back, in shock of what was happening. "What the fuck-"

Tsukishima sighed. "What a shame. Closet cases will only go so far." She turned on her heel, but didn't turn the corner before saying, "I won't tell anyone if you won't." 

Kageyama stayed there until the end of lunch, trying to stop her heart from pounding and her hands from shaking. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve as the bell rang, feeling like people would be able to know otherwise.

She was in a daze until it was time for volleyball practice. She outright ignored Tsukishima. She refused to give her any passes, refused to look at her or say a word to her. Her shots were off; she couldn't concentrate fully. She managed to hit Hinata at least three times with a ball to the face. Hinata had yelled at her that she was doing it on purpose.

"Are you angry at me or something?" Hinata yelled. "You were the one who ran off and abandoned me at lunch time! I didn't do anything!"

Kageyama stopped in her tracks when she remembered lunch time. She caught Tsukishima smirk out of the corner of her eye. "I'm not doing it on purpose!" Kageyama yelled back. "I'm just... Off my game. I'm not blaming you!"

Hinata grumbled. "Well my face hurts and I really don't want another bruise on my face. So try and focus!"

"Right," Kageyama replied. It wasn't a moment later that Suga came over.

"Maybe you should sit this one out, Kageyama," she offered. "You're obviously distracted."

"What?" Kageyama replied. Did Suga know? What if Suga had found out? Was she really obvious? "I-I'm not distracted! I'm fine! I'm normal, okay?"

Suga stared at her, blinking a couple of times. "Right," she replied, unconvinced. "I still think you should sit this out." Kageyama huffed, stepping past her and moving to the bench. Tsukishima was smirking throughout the entire practice.

She could feel the anger boiling up inside of her every time she saw Tsukishima. Knowing that she knew about her - knowing how she had kissed her - Kageyama couldn't help the red tinge her eyes took on when she spotted Tsukishima.

"That's enough practise for today," Daichi spoke up. "Clear up time!"

As Kageyama got to her feet, Tsukishima passed by her, smirking. "I bet you loved watching us all, right, Kageyama?" She murmured, just loud enough for Kageyama to hear. Suddenly, all Kageyama could see was red. She grabbed Tsukishima by her collar, shoving her up against the wall. "This looks familiar," she chuckled.

"Shut the fuck up!" Kageyama yelled. "If you say another fucking word to me, I will-"

“Kageyama-san! What are you doing?!" Daichi yelled. The whole team was staring at them in shock. "Get off of her immediately!"

"You just can't keep your hands off me, can you?" Tsukishima said, a little louder this time.

 "You fucking bitch-" Kageyama yelled, grabbing her hair. Tsukishima yelped.

 "Kageyama!" Suga yelled, both her and Daichi coming over to break up their fighting. Daichi grabbed Kageyama around the waist. "Get a hold of yourself! If the Dean sees this-"

"If you ever come near me again, I will hurt you." Kageyama replied, staring straight at Tsukishima. "Don't ever touch me again."

"Kageya-"

Before anyone else could say anything, Kageyama pulled free from Daichi, walking out of the gymnasium.

"What the hell was that all about?" Suga asked Tsukishima.

Tsukishima shrugged. "Beats me. The Queen is just being a prissy bitch as usual."

Kageyama was in the locker room in no time, still swollen with anger. Mostly, she was angry at herself. She was angry that she couldn't control herself. She was angry that she let Tsukishima get to her so easily. She was angry that she was gay.

She felt a tear fall down her cheek, belatedly realising that she was crying.

It wasn't long before Suga appeared. The locker room door had opened slowly, revealing a single figure. "Kageyama?" She called quietly.

Kageyama brushed her tears away. "Yeah," she replied, her voice choked and cracked.

Suga stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. She came over and sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "What's going on? Why did you attack Tsukishima?"

Kageyama was silent. She vowed that she wouldn't let anyone else know about her. "I know she can be irritating at times, but not enough to attack her. And what was that about her touching you? Did she hurt you?"

Kageyama shook her head. "Please don't make me talk about it."

"Kageyama," Suga replied softly. "I know it makes you uncomfortable, but we can't just ignore this. You attacked another teammate. How are you going to perform well on the court together?"

"Please, Suga-senpai," Kageyama replied, her voicing cracking again. "Not... Not now."

Suga was quiet for a moment longer before sighing. "Alright. But eventually, you'll have to talk about this. It's bad to bottle it all up." Kageyama nodded. She was well aware that eventually she would be found out. She just hoped it wouldn't be any time soon.


	3. apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it just gets gayer

A few weeks pass and Kageyama goes without an incident.

It took a week for Kageyama to get back to normal, or at least normal-appearing. She had ignored Tsukishima the whole time, taking deep breaths each time Tsukishima made any comments.

She could feel Suga's watchful eyes on her all week. After that, she managed to appear normal to her team, keeping her secret very much that: a secret.

Kageyama focused even more on the one thing she truly loved, volleyball. As time went on though, she found herself realising things she did not want to realise. She was starting to have more… Thoughts. Thoughts about girls, thoughts about kissing them, touching them, hands sliding further and further-

She had to stop this. 

One late evening when she couldn’t stop thinking about it, she let herself search online for something. It was something she’d heard her male classmates talk about before, as well as a few of her teammates - Noya-senpai and Tanaka-senpai had bragged about watching some before, talking about how ‘hot’ it was before bursting into giggles. She typed the few letters into google, and clicked search. She clicked the first link that appeared. Immediately, her screen was bombarded with explicit imagery she had never wanted to look at; she squealed, chucking her laptop off of her lap and closing it. She waited a few minutes before attempting to reopen it. The moment her screen lit up once again, the images were back. Kageyama closed her eyes and held down the ‘Off’ button on her laptop. That had not been what she had expected to see. She sighed, putting her laptop away and climbing into bed. Despite the traumatic experience, her head was still clouded with the thoughts. She thought about how it felt to be kissed; the feel of a hand sliding up to her chest, using her own hand. She imagined a hand touching her thigh and sliding upwards, letting out a small gasp at the feel of her own hand touching herself. Embarrassed but determined, she kept going, slowly and gently searching. She heard a knock on her door and hurriedly removed her hand, her face turning bright red. “U-um, yes?” She answered. Her mother popped her head around the door. 

“I’m off to bed. See you in the morning, sweetheart."

“Goodnight."

The door closed once again, plunging Kageyama back into the darkness. She sighed, rolling over and trying to sleep. She didn’t feel like experimenting any further that evening after that little run in.

By morning, she felt normal. She got up, as she usually did. She brushed her teeth, got dressed, brushed her hair and collected her stuff. She grabbed some toast from the kitchen, saying goodbye to her mother before making her way to school. As she walked along, her memories of last night resurfaced. She could feel herself blushing just thinking about it. By the time she got to school, the thoughts had refused to disappear. She went to the changing room, getting ready for morning practice as usual, keeping her eyes down. Just as she pulled her shirt over her head, she felt a tap on her bare shoulder. She flinched, turning around. “Queen. You dropped this by the door.” Tsukishima said, standing beside her. She held out Kageyama’s phone, which she had hurriedly grabbed on her way out, only just throwing it into her bag. No wonder it had fallen out. She took it from Tsukishima’s hand, looking up at her to thank her.

Her words caught in her throat when she saw the way Tsukishima’s eyes trailed her body. Kageyama cleared her throat, causing Tsukishima to look back up at her. She at least had the gall to look embarrassed. “Thanks. For returning it.” Kageyama said. Tsukishima nodded, before heading off to get changed. _That was kinda weird…_  She continued to get changed, eventually heading down the gym. She managed to keep her focus, as she had been doing for the past few weeks since her little incident with Tsukishima happened. She kept her eyes to herself getting changed afterwards, as she had been doing. She felt another tap on her shoulder after pulling her school shirt on, turning to see Sugawara this time.

Suga smiled gently. “Hey. How’ve you been feeling lately?” 

Kageyama shrugged. “Fine. Why do you ask?"

“Well, I was wondering if you felt like talking. You know, about the little… Fight that you and Tsukishima had a few weeks ago."

Kageyama’s blood turned cold. There was no way she could tell Suga the reason; there was no way she could tell anyone. The thought of saying the words aloud terrified her. “Nope. I’m good. It’s water under the bridge.” She answered, looking away from Sugawara. “Can we drop it now? I really need to head to class.” She quickly finished getting dressed, grabbing her bag and attempting to move past Sugawara. Suga tried to block her.

“Are you sure? You know you can always come to me if you need someone to talk to.” Kageyama nodded, although the thought of talking to Suga about it was unpleasant. She could barely handle imagining how she’d react. She’d probably tell the captain and get her kicked off of the team and then tell everyone why she was being kicked off, tell them all how Kageyama had been perving on them in the changing room. She imagined the expressions of her teammates finding out, the thought making her feel scared and humiliated; she imagined Hinata’s reaction, the disgust in her expression. The way she’d gossip to Noya and Tanaka about her, how creepy she was, how she’d always known and had always thought she was a weirdo - finally, she thought of her mother’s reaction, when she found out exactly _why_ her only daughter had been kicked off the team of her favourite sport, the hatred in her eyes as she questioned Kageyama, asking ‘ _is this true? are you really like that? who’d have thought my little girl would have turned out so disgusting_ ’ and Kageyama pushed past Sugawara finally, getting out of that room, dashing past everyone as she ran to the girls toilets. She shut herself in a stall, breathing in and out heavily, thoughts spiralling out of control. What if her mother sent her to one of those camps she’d seen in documentaries? Were there places like that in Japan? Or what if she was sent abroad - to America, to a camp there where she couldn’t understand barely a word of english? Do those camps even work? Is there any way she could make herself straight without going to one of those camps? 

The sound of the bell ringing interrupted her thought process, if only for a moment. She took some deep breaths, finally getting to her feet. She felt dizzy, leaning on the door frame before taking a few steps. She managed to get to her classroom and sit down in her seat in time for her teacher to register her. She let out a sigh of relief, pulling her water bottle out of her bag and taking a few large gulps. She tried to stay calm, but was distracted throughout every class, unable to focus on anything once she’d had these revelations. Finally, lunch time came around and she grabbed her bag, heading out of the room. She reckoned she would go and hide somewhere outside until the end of lunch; she couldn’t face talking to anyone else today. She felt so on edge; if anyone found out… 

“Oi, Queen.” The familiar irritating voice appeared behind her, and she kept walking. She walked until she was round the back of the bikesheds, empty as she had presumed. She had assumed Tsukishima wouldn’t attempt to follow her, but was wrong on that front. She sat down on the floor, leaning her head back against the shed. Tsukishima appeared a second later, staring down at her. “What are you doing?"

“Fuck off, Tsukishima.” Kageyama replied, closing her eyes. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with her, of all people.

“Ouch,” Tsukishima replied, sarcastically. “Listen, I wanted to say something."

"I can save you the time by telling you not to."

“Just shut up for a minute.” Kageyama opened one eye, looking up at the other girl. She wasn’t interested in listening, but it seemed like Tsukishima wasn’t going to leave until she’d been heard out. She sighed, which Tsukishima took as a go ahead. “A few weeks ago. When we had that fight.” 

“What about it?"

“I wanted to apologise. For the things I said."

Kageyama opened both eyes, looking up at her. “What?"

“I wanted to apologise. I was out of line for saying them."

“Why are you doing this? You trying to get into my pants, or something?"

“Because I’ve been in the same position you are. Figuring it all out. Not to mention, I’m as closeted as you are.” She sighed, taking a seat beside the black-haired girl. “I’ve only told my sister so far. She seemed okay with it, but she told me not to tell mum yet. Said something about trying to bring her round to the idea first.” Tsukishima shook her head. “It made me feel worse. Being told that my own mother wouldn’t accept me.” 

Kageyama nodded. “My mum won’t accept me. I keep thinking about those camps they have in America, you know the - the ones that turn you straight. I’m scared she’ll send me to some place like that."

Tsukishima glanced at her. “Those places are for the extremists. I’m sure she wouldn’t send you there.” She sighed. “Not to mention there’s no way those camps even work."

“You think so?"

“I know so. Unfortunately, there’s no switch to flip to make us ‘normal’, Kageyama. We’re like this forever now.” 

Kageyama put her face in her knees. “Yeah,” she whispered. “That’s what I thought."

Tsukishima moved her hand towards Kageyama, but didn’t touch her. Kageyama placed hers over Tsukishima’s. Despite their dislike for each other, she couldn’t fight with her on this. She could only nod along, feeling a little better knowing there was someone else going through the same thing. “What do you think the team will say when they find out?” Kageyama murmured.

Tsukishima shrugged. “Probably some lesbian jokes about how we perv on them in the changing room. As if there’s anything even remotely interesting about Nishinoya’s boobs. They’re practically nonexistent.” Kageyama gave her a look.“Yeah, I guess saying that doesn’t really support my case.”

Kageyama snorted, before sighing. “Do… Do you think they’d kick us off the team?"

“What, for being gay? I don’t think so. Especially you, you’re too valuable a team member. It might be a little weird for a while… But I’m sure, eventually they’ll be fine with it."

“You think so?"

“Yeah. I do."

Kageyama wiped her eyes, not realising she’d let some tears fall. “That… That makes me feel a little better."

“Glad I could be of service to our royal Majesty."

“You’re ruining it.” 

Tsukishima stayed silent. They continued to sit there for a while, not speaking. Finally, Kageyama reached a decision. “Do you… Do you think we could…"

“Could…?"

“T-Try kissing again…?"

Tsukishima looked at her, before shrugging. “If you want to.” She leaned in as she had once before weeks ago. Kageyama closed her eyes, feeling the press of lips against her. She welcomed it, pressing back against Tsukishima. After a few minutes of kissing, Kageyama felt Tsukishima slip her tongue into her mouth. A weird feeling, but not entirely unpleasant. Hesitantly, she attempted to copy her movements. Tsukishima’s free hand moved to Kageyama’s thigh. Kageyama jumped in surprise, but didn’t make any attempts to remove it. She felt the hand sliding up her leg, memories of last night resurfacing.

The sound of Kageyama’s ringtone cut through the silence, interrupting them. Kageyama ignored it, leaning back in. Eventually, it stopped. And then rung again. And again. And again, until eventually Kageyama removed herself from Tsukishima in order to pull out her phone. _Hinata Shouyou is calling…_ Kageyama accepted the call, putting it up to her ear. “Yes?"

_“Where are you? I thought we were going to practice this lunchtime!"_

“I’m busy today."

_"Ugh, but you promised!"_

“Tough."

_“Fiiiiiine. Guess I’ll find someone else to practice with.”_ Hinata paused.  _“Hey, are you alright?"_  

“I’m fine. Why do people keep asking me that?"

_“It’s just lately you’ve been kind of… I don’t know. Distant. Especially since that fight with Tsukishima,_ which _I might add I never got told was about. I want to know!"_  

“It wasn’t about anything. I was just mad and she was being annoying. That’s all there was to it."

_“Aw, really? I was sooo ready for some drama.”_ She sighed. “ _Well, I guess I’ll leave you to whatever’s keeping you so ‘busy’. You’ll practice with me tomorrow, right?"_  

“Sure." 

_“Awesome! See you later!"_

Kageyama hung up the phone, breathing a sigh of relief. “Your girlfriend wondering where you are?” Tsukishima asked.

“She’s not my girlfriend and you know it. She’s not even gay. I don’t have a chance."

“You never know.” 

“Trust me, I think I’d know if she was gay."

“Would you? Any girl is willing to experiment at some stage in their life. Maybe hers will soon."

Kageyama snorted. “Yeah, right.” 

“Now, where were we-"

The sound of the bell ringing echoes around the courtyard and the both of them glance at each other before getting to their feet. “That’s the end of that, then.” Kageyama stated.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Tsukishima replied. 

“What do you mean?"

“Meet me here tomorrow lunch time."

“…Okay.” 

Tsukishima nodded. “See you later.” Collecting her bag, she left, leaving Kageyama to wonder what on earth she had gotten herself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somehow tsukage works much better as lesbians


	4. visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gaybies face a new challenge

 It was fair to say Kageyama was spending a lot more time with Tsukishima than she had ever anticipated.

 

A few weeks had passed since their little chat, over a dozen of their meet ups had occurred. With every lunchtime she spent with Tsukishima making out, she was blowing off Hinata playing volleyball. She was beginning to feel guilty about it. At first, she had reckoned it would be a one-two time thing and eventually she’d have to go back to look at Hinata when she wasn’t looking and wishing for something other than volleyball. She wasn’t sure why she even met up with Tsukishima still; they still pissed each other off on the court, argued and called each other names, made rude comments behind each others backs and had even managed to have another fight on the court. Yet when they were tucked away behind the bike sheds, they felt like they could talk about anything without fear. Tsukishima would spend all morning taunting her before coming round the bike sheds at lunchtime, saying how wanted to tell Yamaguchi but she wasn’t quite sure how she would react, make out with her before going back to taunting her at afternoon practice. It was a very strange relationship, they could both agree, but it helped. Without Tsukishima’s help, Kageyama wouldn’t have begun to accept herself. She still found herself wishing she was straight, wishing she could disappear for fear of being found out, but at least she was making a step in the right direction. She was becoming more comfortable about it. 

One afternoon, as the bell for lunch goes, Kageyama gets a text. 

 

**_1 New Message from Bitch_ **

_Bitch: busy today. see you at practice_

Kageyama tsked, before simply replying ‘k’. She sent a quick text to Hinata, asking if she wants to practice today. She barely got out the door of her classroom before Hinata comes barreling at her, squealing about volleyball. “Come on, come on, let’s go practice!” Hinata yelled, attaching to Kageyama’s arm and dragging her along. 

“Alright, alright! Let go of me, Jesus-“ Kageyama replied, but made no effort to remove her arm. Hinata lead to them to an open part of the courtyard, pulling a ball out of her bag and throwing it to Kageyama. They did a few passes in relative silence for a while before Hinata eventually spoke up.

“So… What have you been doing at lunchtimes?” Hinata asked, picking up the ball from where it had fallen and passing it back. 

Kageyama faltered, missing the ball that had been passed to her. It fell limply to the ground at her feet. “Huh?"

“What have you been doing? We used to practice every lunch time, now suddenly you’re always busy. Have you practicing with someone else?"

“No."

“Then what is it?”  

“It’s… Uh…" 

“Oh!” Hinata gasped. “Is it that guy? Do you go and see him?"

“Um… Yes?"

“Really?! So you’re dating him now?"

“N-No-"

“What else could it be? You don’t have to lie to me, Kageyama-san. We both know _somethings_ going on here."

“I-I-"

“Spit it out! You’re dating, aren’t you?"

Kageyama stared at the short orange-haired girl. She looked positively ecstatic at the news. There was no sign of her being irritated by the thought at all. Kageyama deflated a little at the thought. Who was Tsukishima kidding, there’s no way Hinata was anything but straight. “Yes. I’m dating him."

“HA! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!” She danced around gleefully while Kageyama picked up the ball. She didn’t feel like playing anymore, but she knew that if she didn’t, they’d stay on this subject until the end of lunch. “What’s his name? What school does he go to? What does he look like? Is he in our year? Is he older than us?! How did you meet?"

“I don’t want to talk about it, Hinata."

“Did he blow you off today? Is that why you’re in a bad mood?"

“I’m not in a bad mood! Do you want to practice or not? Because if you’re just gonna continue to ask questions, I’m leaving.” 

“Alright, alright! I’ll stop. Toss to me, please!” 

 

At after school practice, Kageyama entered the changing room to find everyone staring at her in silence. Her first reaction was to panic - had they found out? Did they figure it out? Did Tsukishima tell them? What was she going to say -

“Kageyama! Is it true you have a boyfriend?” Tanaka yelled first, pulling her into the room. 

“Huh?” She said in confusion. Her eyes caught Hinata’s, who at least had the decency to look guilty. It fell into place. Hinata had been gossiping about her.

“Hinata told us about your booooyfriend!” Noya sung, attempting to sling an arm around Kageyama’s shoulders. 

“Oh, right. Yeah."

“So it’s true?” Sugawara spoke up, looking surprised. 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Kageyama replied sternly, folding her arms across her chest. 

“I didn’t think you were into... dating.”

Kageyama moved past her teammates and started to get changed. She ignored the questions sent her way.

“What’s his name?"

“Is he cute?"

“How old is he?"

“What school does he go to?"

All things she’d heard from Hinata earlier, except this time yelled by about 6 other people. She spared a glance over Tsukishima in the corner, who had said nothing so far. 

“Kageyama! You have to tell us, come on -"

“I don’t have to tell you anything. It’s private.

“Tell us just _one_  thing, please? Just one thing!” 

She sighed. Maybe making up one little pretend fact about this would get them off of her back. “He goes to… Aobajousai High.” 

The room filled with squeals and gushing, Kageyama grateful for the attention to be off of her for a few moments. She finished getting changed and went down to the gym to start setting up while everyone messed around back in the changing room. It wasn’t long after she’d stepped inside the gym that someone was behind her. 

“So, you have a boyfriend now, huh?” Tsukishima asked. “This is a surprise. Maybe you should tell him you’ve been cheating on him."

“Shut up. I needed an excuse, Hinata wouldn’t stop asking about it. I didn’t want her to get suspicious."

Tsukishima shrugged. “Whatever you say.” She followed Kageyama into the storage closet, shutting the door behind them slightly. Kageyama turned to face her. “If you want to avoid suspicion, we could meet up after practice instead."

Kageyama raised eyebrows. “We could?"

“We could go to one of our houses."

Kageyama didn’t understand how they hadn’t thought of this before. “Why didn’t we just do that from the start? It’d be much easier."

“So, after practice today? Mine or yours?"

“My mums at work until late, so my house should be free.” Kageyama replied, before turning to get the net out. Tsukishima interrupted her, placed a small peck on her lips before grabbing the cart of volleyballs and heading out. Kageyama’s face burst into flames. _I can’t believe she just did that! We’re supposed to be keeping it a secret, for gods sake-_

“Are you alright in there, Kageyama?” Someone called. 

“I’m fine.” She grabbed the nets, pulling them and starting to set them up. As practiced continued, Kageyama thought back to her conversation with Tsukishima. _We could go to one of our houses._ Oh god. Was Tsukishima implying something? Were they going go further than kissing? Kageyama wasn’t sure if she was ready for it - she’d thought about it, certainly, but whether she was mentally prepared or not, she wasn’t sure. Having… s-e-x meant no turning back. There was no way she could deny being a lesbian to herself once she’d gone over that hurdle. She thought back to the way they kissed, the heat that grew between them, causing thoughts to bubble up, desires, yearnings -

_SLAM!_

“O-oops.” Hinata murmured, after accidentally throwing the ball into the back of Kageyama’s head. “Sorry Kageyama!” 

Kageyama rubbed her head. “Don’t worry about it."

Hinata exchanged looks with the others. “Are… Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t that hard."

“I just mean… Usually you’d get pissed off if I messed up like that.”  

Kageyama shrugged. Honestly, she’d been so distracted thinking about Tsukishima, she’d barely paid attention all practice. “It’s whatever." 

Sugawara came over, looking extremely concerned. “Are you really alright, Kageyama-san? You’ve been a little out of it today."

Kageyama gave Sugawara a cold look. She was beginning to get fed up with her butting into her affairs. She wasn’t going to tell Suga a thing, no matter how much of a ‘nice’ act she put on, Kageyama knew she’d end up telling the whole team. “I’m. Fine."

Sugawara looked rather taken aback by Kageyama’s tone. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just… I’ve just been concerned about you lately-"

“Sugawara, why don’t you keep your nose out of other people’s business?” Kageyama responded forcefully, loud enough for the entire court to hear. 

“Is everything alright here?” Daichi said, coming over.

“Yes, fine.” Sugawara replied, walking away. Daichi glanced between them, looking completely confused. Kageyama gave a short nod. Daichi relented, going back to practice.

Hinata barrelled up to Kageyama. “Are you okay? What was that about?"

“Nothing, okay? Quit bugging me."

“Oh,” Hinata replied, shrinking in on herself. “Uh, sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t realise I was being annoying.” 

Kageyama regretted it immediately. “N-no, wait, Hinata -"

“It’s fine. I guess I’ve been pretty irritating today, with telling everyone and all."

“I don’t care about that, okay? I just… I’ve been distracted lately. It’s nothing against you, it just feels like everyone’s on my back right now."

“I see,” Hinata replied. “Hey, what if - why don’t you come round mine today and we play some video games? Take your mind off everything."

Kageyama winced internally. She wanted nothing more than to go round Hinata’s and play video games but - “I… I can’t today. I’ve got something to do. It’s an… Errand thing for my mum. Maybe tomorrow?"

Hinata deflated. “Oh, right. Sure. That’s fine. Tomorrow it is!” Kageyama nodded.

“Alright good practice everyone, let’s clear up,” Daichi yelled, signalling the end of practice. Kageyama got dressed as slowly as possible, waiting for everyone to leave before she attempted to head home with Tsukishima trailing behind. Tsukishima had told Yamaguchi to go ahead of her. Finally, they both stepped out, Tsukishima following Kageyama at a distance.

 

They managed to get home eventually, Kageyama unlocking the door. “I’m home,” she called out cautiously. When no response came, she stepped inside, letting Tsukishima in beside her. They went up to Kageyama’s room immediately, shutting the door behind them. Kageyama sat down on her bed, trying not to feel weird about having Tsukishima in her room. “So.” She started.

“So?” Tsukishima repeated, raising an eyebrow. Kageyama shrugged in response. Tsukishima rolled her eyes, sitting down on the bed beside her and pulling her into a kiss. Kageyama kissed back immediately, letting her hand cup Tsukishima’s head, pulling her closer. Tsukishima slowly pushed the other girl down onto the bed until she was on top of her. They broke apart, looking at each other. “I must admit, kissing you on a bed makes this situation more romantic than I prefer. I don’t suppose you have a puddle of mud in your back yard we can move this to?” At the strange glance Kageyama gave her, Tsukishima continued. “I suppose you wouldn’t have that, living in a big palace as you do.” 

Kageyama whacked her in the stomach. Tsukishima yelped, falling forward and landing face first in Kageyama’s chest. “Ow,” She grumbled. “At least I had a soft landing - oh wait I don’t, since your tits are like a bloody chopping board.” 

“Do you want me to kick you out? Is that what you want? Because you can just leave.” Kageyama responded, glaring at her. 

Tsukishima rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t have suggested coming here if I wanted you to kick me out."

“Then stop being so nasty you shit-piece."

“As you wish, your majesty."

“I will slap you-“ Tsukishima cut Kageyama’s words off with another kiss, using one hand to support herself and the other hand to slowly brush over the other girl’s form. Kageyama raised her hand, hesitantly resting it on Tsukishima’s hip. 

After kissing for a while, Tsukishima slid her knee between Kageyama’s legs, slowly pushing it up. Kageyama gasped at the contact out of surprise. Tsukishima smirked, pulling away from Kageyama’s lips to kiss down her neck before biting it softly. “Ah,” Kageyama voiced involuntarily, covering her mouth with her hand. Tsukishima ignored her, focusing on moving her knee and biting her neck at the same time. Kageyama moved her hand, cupping Tsukishima’s breast. In the midst of enjoyment over the sensations the other girl was causing her, she wondered how Tsukishima would react to being touched more intimately. Kageyama began unbuttoning Tsukishima’s shirt, getting no reaction from the other girl. Ambitiously, she cupped Tsukishima’s breast through her bra, rubbing around until she saw some kind of reaction. Tsukishima began biting harder, pushing her leg up higher causing Kageyama to let out a small moan. She took that reaction as a positive one, before tentatively tugging Tsukishima’s bra down and brushing her fingers against her bare nipple. Tsukishima let out a gasp, pressing against Kageyama’s hand. 

“Shit,” Tsukishima whispered at the sensation. Kageyama moved her knee up, attempting to press against the other girl as she was to her. This turned out to be successful; Tsukishima stuttered in her own actions, her biting turning into sloppy kisses, her knee barely moving as she let Kageyama rub against her. 

The sound of a door slamming downstairs startled them, both jumping as far away from each other as possible. “I thought you said your mum wouldn’t be home until late,” Tsukishima hissed, tugging her bra up and buttoning up her shirt again. 

“She said she wouldn’t be! I don’t know why she’s here,” Kageyama hissed back, before heading to the her door. She opened it slightly before calling out. “Mum? Is that you?"

Her mum appeared at the bottom of the stairs. “Yeah, it’s me. I wasn’t feeling very well, so I figured I’d come home early. How was school?” She asked, walking up the stairs. 

“Fine,” Kageyama responded. “I have a… friend round. We’re studying.” 

Her mother startled at her words. “You have a _friend_  round?"

“For studying purposes, yes."

“Who is it?” Her mother exclaimed excitedly, she got to Kageyama’s door, looking into her room to see Tsukishima sitting collectedly on the bed. 

“I’m Tsukishima Kei. It’s nice to meet you."

“Oh! Yes, I think I’ve heard that name before. Are you on the volleyball team together?"

“She’s a middle blocker.” Kageyama replied. 

“Lovely. It’s so nice when Tobi-chan brings a friend round.” 

“Yeah well, we were just in the middle of studying, so if you wouldn’t mind -"

“Of course, dear. Tsukishima-san, would you like anything to drink or eat?"

“I’m alright, thank you for offering. I should really get going soon, I told my mother I’d help with dinner."

“Oh, what a shame! You could have stayed for dinner here. Another time, maybe.”

“Mum,” Kageyama muttered.

“Alright, alright. I’m going to go have a rest, have fun girls!” She walked off to her room and Kageyama closed the door behind her, letting out a sigh of relief. 

“By the sounds of it, you don’t have visitors very often.” Tsukishima smirked, folding her arms. 

Kageyama glared at her. “Shut up."

Tsukishima got to her feet, stretching out her arms. “Well, after that delightful mood killer, I think I’ll head home."

“Alright.” Kageyama replied. They stood in silence for a moment, unsure of what to do next. Should they kiss goodbye? A hug? Kageyama didn’t like the idea of _hugging_ the girl, dear god. The fact her first experiences were happening which someone like Tsukishima in the first place was enough to scar her for life. She didn’t need A Hug added to that list. 

Tsukishima grabbed her bag, walking over to where Kageyama stood by the door. She gave Kageyama a once-over, before leaning down and kissing her. “Thanks, I guess.” 

“Uh. Thanks back?” 

Tsukishima rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” Kageyama walked her to the door, watching the girl put her shoes on before leaving. She waved once more, feeling a little weird about it. 

Her mother gushed as soon as she returned upstairs. “I can’t believe you had a friend over! I mean, of course I know you have friends, but it’s wonderful to see you interacting with them outside of volleyball. What a pretty girl,” her mother cooed. “Did she help you with your studying? She looked very intelligent."

“She’s only a few classes ahead of me."

“How kind of her to tutor you. Make sure you thank her for that help properly, missy. Don’t be impolite, you hear me?"

“Yes, mum. I’m going to go finish my homework now."

“Good girl. I’ll call you down for dinner soon.” Before Kageyama could shut herself away in her room. “Oh darling, what’s that on your neck? Have you got a rash?"

“Huh?” Kageyama replied, heading to the bathroom and looking in the mirror. A large red mark was beginning to appear on her neck. She clenched her fists in anger. Had Tsukishima left her a _hickey?_ When they’re supposed to be fucking _hiding?_ This girl, I swear to God. In that moment, Kageyama seriously reconsidered whether this thing with Tsukishima was worth it. 

“Well?” 

“Oh, uh, I got hit with a volleyball earlier and it left a mark - and then I started scratching it, that’s probably why it’s still red."

“Oh. Maybe you should put some cream on it dear. Help it settle down."

“Yeah, maybe.” Kageyama dashed to her room, climbing under her duvet and taking deep breaths. She grabbed her phone from her bedside table, typing out a message.

 

_To: **Bitch**_

_you left me a fucking hickey you shitstain. i’m going to murder you_

She responded a few minutes later.

 

_**Bitch:** i guess you’ll just have to tell everyone it was your boyfriend. _

Kageyama blanched. She hadn’t even thought about the reactions of her teammates. She groaned, shoving her face into her pillows. Tomorrow was not going to be fun. 


	5. help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I WARNED YOU ABOUT QUEERS BRO
> 
> I TOLD YOU DOG

_A scarf will work,_ Kageyama had assumed. She hadn’t thought past wearing the scarf admittedly, realising halfway to school that she’d have to remove it to practice. She cursed for what seemed like the millionth time since the evening before and considered sending Tsukishima another angry text to accommodate her feelings. She had attempted last night after eating dinner with her mother to use make up to cover it up - unfortunately for her, she didn’t have any. Kageyama had never been interested in the stuff, never considered it anything but annoying - foundation would sweat off during volleyball or get on her clothes, eye make up made her eyes feel heavy and seemed to scare children more than usual when her unintentional glare crossed over them. Lipstick was sticky and got all over her face. All in all, she hated makeup. So of course, she sneaked into her mothers room, searching for some foundation in her make up box. She found eventually, squirting some out and dabbing it on her neck. She glanced in the mirror afterwards, finding her with a big orange smudge on her neck which somehow stood out more than the hickey itself. She shoved it back in the box, heading to the bathroom to scrub it off. She could attempt to keep the scarf on during practice, although it seemed like that Daichi or Sugawara would attempt to get it off of her, calling it a 'safety hazard’. She could skip practice all together, or not actually play. The thought made her feel anxious, tensing up. She didn’t want to sit out; if anything, she _needed_ this. Volleyball was her way of life and without it, she felt like she was going to explode. So she wrapped her scarf around her neck tighter and tried to think of something else. 

 

That something else came in the form of a tiny red-headed girl zooming past her on her bike, yelling at Kageyama on the way past. Kageyama startled, before realisign what was happening. Her competitive streak came out and she dashed after the cyclist, willing her legs to be faster with all her might. She managed to catch up to Hinata at one point, who had panicked and tried to pedal even faster. Once they reached the school, Hinata yelled in joy as she claimed herself the winner. “That’s not fair,” Kageyama replied, breathing heavily. “You were on a bike."

“There’s nothing stopping you from bringing your own bike, Kageyama.” 

“Why you little-"

“Why are you wearing a scarf? It’s not that cold."

“Y-Yeah well, some people feel the cold more than others, okay?"

“Pssh, you wimp!"

“I’m going to strangle you-“ Kageyama yelled, dashing after the evading Hinata as they made their way to the changing room. Surprisingly, everyone else seemed to have gotten  there before them. Kageyama wasn’t sure how that was even possible, her or Hinata were usually the first people here - how could they have ended up as the late ones? _Curse you god. I know this has something to do with you._ She thought, heading over to her corner to get changed. 

She tugged on her scarf self-consciously, glancing over in time to see Tsukishima staring at her. Kageyama glared back at her, before pulling the scarf off. Tsukishima’s eyes widened at the sight of her neck, before looking away. Kageyama huffed, pulling her shirt over her head, wanting to get changed and on the court as quickly as possibly. “Hey Kageyama, would you - oh my god, what’s on your neck?” Hinata asked, popping up beside her.

“Nothing,” She grumbled.

“Oh my god,” Hinata gasped, “Kageyama’s got a hickey!” 

“No way!” Noya yelled, pushing past Hinata to get a good look. 

“How the fuck do these first years get a date and I don’t?!” Tanaka yelled at the sight of it. 

“Oh good lord.” Asahi commented, blushing at the sight. 

“Was that from this _boyfriend_ of yours, Kageyama?” Ennochita asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Kageyama said nothing, turning around and pulling a shirt over her head. The crowd ‘oooh’ed.

“That’s it, I need to know who is taking our sweet Kageyama’s innocence!” Tanaka shrieked, pulling her phone out. “Tell me his name, Kageyama!"

“What? No,” She replied.

“Tell me or I swear to God, I will stalk you until I find him!”

Kageyama’s eyes widened in despair. “I… His name is… um… H-Hayashi Ringo.” Tanaka typed the name into her phone. “He doesn’t have Facebook, or Twitter, or anything like that.” Tanaka cursed loudly, throwing her phone back in her bag. 

“Do you have a picture? I _need_ to see this guy."

“I-I don’t. Sorry."

“You better take one next time you see him! Or I will -"

“Stalk me, yes, I get it."

“Exactly!"

“Alright, enough guys.” Daichi said, coming over. “Oh god, that is - that’s very big. Suga, look at this."

Kageyama frowned at her captain. She was meant to stop this subject from spreading! Sugawara came over, eye’s going wider than Kageyama had imagined eyes could go. “Oh wow,” Suga said, staring at it. “I can try and cover it up for you before class, if you’d like.”

Kageyama stared at her suspiciously, wondering if this was another trap into talking about feelings. She eventually came to the conclusion that no, walking around school with a large red hickey on her neck was not preferable, and nodded. 

Practice went by uneventfully. Kageyama had forgotten about the hickey by the time it had finished, too busy focusing on volleyball to care about Nishinoya and Tanaka’s comments. She was surprised when Sugawara came over to her near the end, telling her to come with her so they could cover it up. Kageyama nodded, following after her back to the changing rooms.

Sugawara pulled a small bag out of her school bag, unzipping it to reveal a ton of makeup. “I didn’t realise you even wore makeup, Suga-senpai.” Kageyama questioned.

“Sure I do, I mostly just keep it natural though. I think my eyes would look pretty startling with any eyeliner around them to make them look even bigger.” She laughed. She pulled out foundation, powder, a brush, concealer and some green eyeshadow. 

“What are you doing with that?” Kageyama asked, looking at the green eyeshadow with disgust. If Suga was going to attempt to give her a makeover, she had the wrong idea. 

“It’s for the hickey,” she told her. “The colour helps neutralise the red, makes it easier to hide."

“Oh.” Kageyama replied. She watched Suga go to work, squeezing some foundation out of the tube and applying it to her neck. She waited for the questions to come, but Suga remained silent. Without being entirely sure why, she said, “My boyfriend did it.”

“I heard,” Suga replied, an unbelieving tone to her voice.

Kageyama’s jaw clenched. “Why do you always question me? You think I don’t know myself?"

Suga sighed. “Kageyama-san, I want to help you. Yet every time I try, you turn and shut me out. I’m not trying to invalidate you."

“Tch. Help me with what?” Kageyama grumbled.

“Your… Sexuality crisis.” Suga replied, quietly.

Kageyama jumped to her feet, backing away from from the other girl. “How did you find out?” Kageyama panicked. Oh god, what if she’d already told everyone? What if they were laughing behind her back? 

“I, um. 'Noticed the signs’ as it were.” Kageyama looked at her in confusion. “I saw the way you looked at Hinata in practice.” 

Kageyama crumbled into a ball on the floor, starting to cry. She couldn’t believe she’d been found out already. She wasn’t even through her first year of high school and she was already gonna get moved somewhere, or whatever else she thought her mother might do. Sugawara came and sat beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, Kageyama."

“Does everyone know?” Kageyama sniffled. “Have you told everyone? Are they laughing behind my back?"

Sugawara looked confused. “No, of course not. I haven’t said anything to anyone about this.” 

Kageyama looked up at her. “You haven’t?” Sugawara shook her head. Kageyama let out a small sigh of relief. _That’s good,_ Kageyama thought. _If only two other people know, I can get through high school like this._

“What?” Sugawara said. “No, bottling this all up isn’t going to help. You can’t pretend it isn’t a thing and move on.” Kageyama looked up at her, wondering how she knew what she was thinking, before realising she must have said it aloud. 

“Well I can’t tell everyone, can I?” Kageyama replied. “They’ll all think I’m a pervert! They’ll hate me! And my mum, well - “ Kageyama’s voice cracked. She shoved her face in her knees again. “She’ll probably make me move schools, or send me to one of those camps."

“What camps?"

“You know the - the conversion camps, or whatever -"

“What? Kageyama, I doubt she’d do that. Has your mum ever said anything homophobic?"

Kageyama nodded. “She told me once she thought it was wrong and perverted.” 

“Well, that doesn’t mean her mind can’t change. She won’t send you to any camps, I’m sure of it. If you talk to her about it, I’m sure she’ll come around to it and accept you.”

Kageyama raised her head once again. “You think so?"

Suga smiled. “I know so. It was the same with my mum."

“Wait, you’re gay?"

Sugawara nodded. “I also know there are some other people on the team who are bisexual, so I’m pretty sure the team won’t be upset if you tell them."

Kageyama processed this information. She was surprised, most definitely. Suga definitely didn’t seem like… Or did she? _Who knows,_ Kageyama thought. _Who else would be… on the team?_ She thought through her teammates, but couldn’t see a single one of them being attracted to girls. 

“Best not focus on who is and who’s not,” Sugawara told her. “That’s for them to know."

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Kageyama leaned her head on Sugawara’s shoulder. “Thanks. For helping."

“You’re welcome.” Suga rested her head on Kageyama’s. “ _Sooooo,_ if it wasn’t your ‘boyfriend’ that gave you a hickey, who was it?"

Kageyama turned bright red, pulling her head away. “N-No-one!” 

“It must be someone I know, then."

“N-N-No! You don’t - you don’t know them!"

“Are they on the team?"

“Don’t - don’t be ridiculous!"

“Is it… Hinata?"

“Oh my god!"

“Not Hinata, then. Who else could it have been…"

 

The changing room door opened, in walking Tsukishima. “You two look cosy.” She said, raising an eyebrow at their position.

Kageyama put her head in her hands.

Sugawara’s eyes lit up. “Oh my - oh my goodness. This - this - wow. I never expected - you two, of all people.” 

Tsukishima’s eyes widened in fear, glancing between the two of them. “What did you tell her?” She hissed at Kageyama. 

Sugawara got to her feet, holding up her hands. “Relax, I was simply telling Kageyama that I was aware of her… Nature, since I’m the same.” 

“…You are?"

“Yep."

“Oh,” Tsukishima replied. She relaxed instantly. “That’s a relief. I assume you’re not going to tell anybody.” 

“Not unless you ask me to."

“I definitely do not ask you to.” Tsukishima replied, before heading over to where her clothes were and beginning to get changed. 

“Suit yourself.” Sugawara giggled. She turned back to Kageyama. “Oh come on, don’t be such a drama queen. It was just surprising, that’s all.” She held out a hand to Kageyama. Kageyama shook her head slightly in dismay, before taking the hand up. 

“I… This never happened.” She replied, as the others began to file in. 

“I covered your hickey by the way,” Sugawara told her. “You’re welcome."

Kageyama grumbled her way over to her corner, beginning to get changed. She grabbed her phone, looking in the reflection. Her hickey was unnoticeable. “Well then.” She said to herself continuing to get dressed. 

 

* * *

 

After school, she headed round Hinata’s house to play video games as they had arranged the other day. Hinata was babbling about some game Kenma had told her about which Kageyama was only half listening to. They got to Hinata’s house, immediately heading up to Hinata’s room. They started off with few rounds of _Mario Kart,_ most of which Kageyama lost, before Hinata insisted Kageyama help her get past a puzzle in the current _Legend of Zelda_ she was playing. This ended up in Kageyama getting as frustrated as Hinata, replaying the puzzle over and over before throwing a pillow at Hinata’s face in anger. Hinata gave another attempt and managed to succeed. Kageyama was so thankful they’d completed the puzzle she forgot to get mad at Hinata for making her do something she could have done herself. 

It was a few minutes into Super Smash Brawl that Kageyama’s phone went off. She paused the game, causing Hinata to yell at her, before going and grabbing her phone. 

 

_Oikawa-san is calling…_

Kageyama looked at the Caller ID in confusion. What would Oikawa want with her?

She got to her feet, leaving Hinata’s room. She accepted the call. “Hello?"

_“Hello my little Tobi-chan. You must be ecstatic for your heroine to be calling you."_

“Not really. Why are you calling?"

_“…I got a little message from a teammate of yours earlier."_

Kageyama seized up. Was it Tsukishima? Sugawara? Had they told Oikawa-san, the worst person they could possibly tell? Did they want to get back at her for something? “Which teammate would that be?"

_“Oh, Tanaka-something. The one with the really short hair."_

“What did she want with you?"

_“She wanted to know if I knew someone called… What was it… Hayashi Ringo. Yes, that’s it. When I asked why, she said you had a boyfriend who goes to Seijoh."_

“Oh."

_“Yes. ‘Oh.’ The funny thing is, Tobi-chan, that I do not, and have never heard of anyone here called Hayashi Ringo. That seems a little strange, doesn’t it?"_

“…"

_“The fact that you’ve finally reached the stage where you have to invent a boyfriend is downright embarrassing, Tobi-chan. I’m laughing at you right now.”_

“Are you done?"

  
_“No. And I mean, come_ on _Tobi-chan, how long did you think that disguise was going to hold up? Everyone was going to find out eventually."_

“I get it already. I’m hanging up."

_“I mean, how do people look at you and not think ‘lesbian’? It’s so obvious."_

Kageyama felt her blood run cold. “W-what did you just say?"

_“Hmm? Oh hun, don’t act all innocent. I knew the moment I saw you.”_

“No… I’m not…"

_“Honestly, it isn’t surprising really. Who wouldn’t be gay with me around them all the time? I think Iwai-chan must be all-out in love with me at this point. OW!”_ The phone was jostled and Kageyama heard some shouting in the distance. Oh my god… If Iwaizumi-san was there with her, that meant that she knew as well. Two, three, four… Four people knew. _Ugh. That really hurt, Iwa-chan. You must love me a lot.”_ There was more crashing about, before she heard Oikawa screaming.  _“Iwa-chan_ , _forgive me. I’m just trying to make fun of our gay little Tobi-chan. Ouch! Stop hitting me - give that back!”_ Oikawa yelled. Kageyama listened intently, unsure of what was happening. Suddenly, she heard Iwaizumi-san’s voice. “ _Hey. I’m sorry about her. I won’t let her tell anyone if that’s what you want."_

Kageyama breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much, Iwaizumi-san. That would be much appreciated.” 

_"Don’t sweat it.”_ The phone hang up, Kageyama pulling it away from her ear and sighing. 

“Who was that?” Hinata asked, giving her a strange look. 

“Oh, no one."

“It can’t have been no one!” Hinata yelled. “You were on the phone for like five minutes!” Then, she gasped. “Was it your boooooyfriend?"

Kageyama sighed again, taking a seat besides the orange-haired girl. She was beginning to get tired of this lie. And the truth, apparently, seemed to be tired of hiding. “Hinata, I need to tell you something."

Hinata looked up at her, concerned. “What is it?"

“I’m… I’m…” Kageyama started. “I… Broke up with him."

“WHAT?!” Hinata screeched. Kageyama rested her face on her hand. She was felt so pathetic. “Why? What happened?! Is it because of the hickey?"

“No. He was just really boring.” Kageyama replied, tiredly. “I can’t be bothered with him.” 

“Oh my god,” Hinata threw her arms up in anguish, before face-planting into Kageyama’s shoulder. “You’re unbelievable.” Kageyama hummed in agreement. “But… I’m glad. This means we get to hang out more, right?” Hinata’s face shone brightly. Kageyama suddenly remembered why she had made a boyfriend up in the first place.

“Uh… Yeah. Sure."

“Wahoooooo! Let’s go play some volleyball, I’m bored of video games."

“Okay.” 

As they got to their feet, Kageyama stared down at her phone vibrating. _1 New Message from Bitch._ She ignored it, following Hinata downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw i couldnt be bothered to find any female equivalent names so i kept them all the same lmao.......... 
> 
> its at this point in the story where i realise i have no idea where the heck im going with it next


	6. kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its nearly 7am but at least i banged out this fucker of a chapter
> 
> sorry its been so long!!! i had major writers block and basically didnt kno where the heck i was going wit this story lol and obviously when i get stuck in a story i just add a party scene bc ~~~~SHENANIGANS~~~
> 
> this chapter is alternatively called: everyone is bi
> 
> note: i tried to add pizza emojis to noyas text but AO3 refused to have them so /shrugs
> 
> maybe tsukishima has a few hints of jealousy...........

_**Bitch:** i told yamaguchi. _

_**Bitch:** not about you. just me._

_**Bitch:** she was fine with it. happy for me, in fact. _

_**Bitch:** maybe you should consider telling hinata. _

 

 

Kageyama stared at the text messages she’d missed while she’d been with Hinata. She’d only looked at her phone once she’d gotten home, remembering the message that had been waiting. She was surprised Tsukishima had the gall to tell the other girl really; while Tsukishima liked to act like she was okay with it, the number of times she’d mentioned her fears of Yamaguchi finding out said otherwise. She reckoned it would have taken longer. Much longer.

_You should consider telling Hinata._

That sounded like a bad idea; just because it had gone well with Yamaguchi didn’t mean it would go well with Hinata. Despite knowing the small orange-haired girl pretty well at this stage, nothing could prepare her for whatever reaction Hinata would have. It was a subject they had never spoken of, a word that she had never heard leave Hinata’s lips - she didn’t think there was any way that Hinata would accept her, at least until she heard otherwise. 

Her phone buzzed, tearing her away from her thoughts; a new message interrupted Tsukishima’s, _Nishinoya-senpai_ ’s name appearing instead. She clicked on the message to open it. 

_**Nishinoya-senpai:** club pizza party sleepover @ mine on sat. bring some doritos _

_A sleepover?_  Kageyama thought. _That sounds pretty awful._ She was already busy coming up with excuses by the time her phone buzzed once again, with Hinata calling. Expecting her to call on regards of Kageyama having forgotten something at her house, Kageyama picked up.

_“Are you going to Noya-senpai’s on saturday?!”_ Hinata asked, not bothering to greet her. She’d been pushed into a corner before she’d even realised there were corners she could be pushed into. 

“Uh… I guess?” Kageyama replied, cursing herself internally. Hinata was yelling out her excitement over the line while Kageyama was mentally crossing off every excuse from her list. There was no use trying to get out of it now she’d told Hinata. She could be deathly ill and Hinata would still force her to come. As Hinata rambled on and on about it, Kageyama rested her head against her desk, closing her eyes and simply listening to her friends voice. When Hinata would ask if she was still listening, Kageyama would grunt out a small reply, before the other girl would continue her spiel. She could feel herself drifting off as Hinata continued, waking up to the sound of Hinata telling her she’d been called to help her younger brother, and said goodbye. She sighed, tossing herself onto her head and running her mind over how next saturday would go. It couldn’t be too bad right? These were her friends, after all. It was be fun. Kageyama drifted back into sleep, a lasting memory of Hinata’s voice talking in her head. 

 

* * *

  

“Noya, you didn’t say alcohol was going to be at this party of yours.” Daichi scolded her, crossing her arms. 

“It’s a _party,_ Daichi-san! What did you expect?” 

“We have a responsibility to the first years-"

“To get them drunk? Aye aye, captain, I’m on the case!” Noya yelled, barrelling out of the room before Daichi could say another word. 

“I doubt it will be too bad,” Asahi informed her captain, “It’ll probably only be a few beers. What’s the harm in that?"

Daichi stared at Asahi until she began to feel nervous. “This is Noya we’re talking about."

Asahi once again attempted to defend her tiny friend, but at the crashing sound coming from the kitchen with a yell of “SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS!” Asahi simply closed her mouth and nodded. 

Moving back into the living room, Daichi made her way over to her vice-captain, who was sitting on the couch with Kageyama in front of her, braiding her long dark hair. She sat down, looking at Suga’s handywork. “That’s pretty,” Daichi told her. “Maybe you can do mine next.” She ran a hand through her short hair, chuckling at Suga’s unimpressed expression.

“We’ll see,” Suga replied. “I told Hinata-chan I’d give her some small braids after this. Maybe I can fit some into yours too.” Suga sighed. “Kageyama, your hair is so soft. I’m jealous."

“It’s annoying,” Kageyama replied in a monotone voice. “I hate it long."

“Why not just cut it then?” Hinata asked. 

“My mum doesn’t want me to. Plus I…” _Don’t want to look like a lesbian._ “…Don’t think it would suit me."

“What? You’d look great with short hair!” Hinata told her. “You’d look even more intimidating!"

“Huh?” Kageyama questioned. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

“Duh,” Hinata said. Kageyama shoved her. Hinata shoved her back, causing Suga to accidentally pull on her hair. 

“Sorry!” Suga apologised, but Kageyama waved it off, instead targetting Hinata for shoving her. Before a full-on fight could develop between the two, Noya and Tanaka had bounced into the room, pizzas in one pair of hands and bottles in the other. 

“Is that alcohol?” Hinata asked, innocently enough.

“You betcha!” Noya told her, ruffling her hair. “Your senpai’s are gonna teach you how to drink!"

“They are _not.”_ Daichi growled.

“Yes, yes we are,” Tanaka sung, fear of her captain momentarily lost. She’d already started drinking; the tipsiness giving her more confidence than Tanaka should ever be allowed to have.

“We’re gonna eat, then we’re gonna drink, then we’re gonna play some games,” Noya said, shoving the pizza onto the coffee table unceremoniously. She grabbed a slice of pizza. 

“What kind of games?” Yamaguchi asked. 

“Oh my sweet, innocent, precious, darling little kouhai.” Tanaka cooed, putting an arm around the younger’s shoulders. “Wonderful, exciting games - that will either build or break our friendships."

“That doesn’t sound very wonderful or exciting."

“Trust me, Yamaguchi, trust me."

“I’m a little scared to do that."

“Shhhh. Trust me."

“Um."

“Tanaka, get away from her, please.” Suga sighed. 

The group settled down comfortably in Noya’s living room, eating and laughing until finally Tanaka dragged the beers out. “We’re going to play a little game called Never Have I Ever,” Tanaka started, grinning. “What happens is, you say something you’ve never done, and everyone in the circle who _has_  done it has to drink. You must tell the truth!"

“Oh god,” Daichi groaned, “This is going to end in tears, I already know it."

“Shhh,” Tanaka waved her off. “It’s fun, it’s fun. Everybody good with the rules?” The group nodded. “I’ll start then! I’ll start off easy… Never have I ever… Knocked off the vice-principals wig!"

Kageyama and Hinata guiltily take a sip of their drinks. Kageyama frowns in disgust; the beer isn’t nice by any means, but she doesn’t comment on it. Beside her, she noticed Hinata trying not to make a face. The rest of the group laugh. 

“Okay my turn!” Noya yelled. “Never have I ever called Suga ‘mom’ by accident!” The majority of the group drink, Suga rolling her eyes and smiling.

They go in turns, starting off innocently enough at first. It’s a lot of fun, Kageyama finds herself thinking, until the game takes a turn after everyone is suitably buzzed enough. 

“Never have I ever… Kissed another girl,” Narita said. Kageyama felt herself freeze up. She glanced at her drink, before watching the rest of the circle. She was startled to see how many people had their drinks raised. Her eyes met Tsukishima’s, and without blinking, the other girl raised the drink to her lips, in silent competition. She watched the others drink; Suga, Tanaka, Ennoshita, Noya, Asahi, even Daichi, their captain! Swallowing her fear, she raised the drink to her lips. Beside her, Hinata glanced up at her. 

“Kageyama-san, you’ve kissed another girl?” Hinata asked, intrigued.

The room fell silent. Kageyama’s eyes locked onto Hinata’s, desperate to tell her the truth. “Yeah,” she admitted. “My mum."

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Tsukishima shake her head. Hinata laughed. “That doesn’t count! Does it? Maybe it does. I guess that means I should drink!” She giggled, drinking as well. Kageyama watched her lick her lips as she pulled the can away. 

“Never have I ever gotten to second base with a girl,” Tanaka stated, before yelling at Noya as she watched the girl down her drink. “What! When?! With who?"

“Uh uh uh, that’s not the name of the game,” Noya cackled.

Kageyama stared at her drink again. Her eyes rose to Tsukishima’s, desperately wishing that she didn’t try to one up her again. Too late. “Tsukishima! You’ve gotten with a girl?” Tanaka asked, attention redirected.

Under the scrutiny of the rest of the group, Tsukishima played it cool. “Sure.” 

“These damn first years,” Tanaka shook her head. “How dare they have more experience than me! I haven’t even gotten to second base with a dude! What about you three, are you hiding stuff from me too? Are you all secretly into BDSM?” Tanaka said, eyes moving between Kageyama, Hinata and Yamaguchi.

“What’s BDSM?” Hinata asked in confusion.

Kageyama felt beads of sweat rise on the back of her neck. She can feel both Tsukishima and Suga’s stare. _Stop it already. I get it, I’m a huge lesbian. Doesn’t mean I want to tell everyone about it._

“Tanaka, I swear to god, if you say another word about that-“ Daichi started.

“Ahh, fine, fine. Kageyama knows what I’m on about at least, don’t you?” Tanaka said, nonchalantly as she drank her beer.

Eyes on her once again. “Uh,” Kageyama replied.

“Do you?” Hinata asked, “What is it? Tell me!"

“I…” Kageyama glanced over at Sugawara in fear. 

“It doesn’t matter, Hinata, it’s something that… Adults do,” Suga tried.

“Isn’t drinking alcohol meant for them too?"

Suga froze. “I… Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean-"

“Never have I ever had sex,” Asahi spoke up, thereby interrupting the conversation. Kageyama sighed in relief at that. She and Tsukishima hadn’t gone that far, although when she thought about it what was the definition of lesbian sex anyway? Wasn’t it all just sex? Did that mean - _Shit. Have I had sex?_ She stared over at the other girl, watching her reaction. Tsukishima glared at her own can, but ultimately didn’t raise it. Satisfied with this answer, Kageyama watched who else drank. Sugawara and Daichi both drank, purposely avoiding each others gaze. Noya also drank, which Tanaka berated her for. Another person drank too; Ennoshita, who had been relatively quiet throughout the whole game, drank.

Daichi raised an eyebrow at her. “Really, Ennoshita? I don’t remember you telling me about it."

Ennoshita smirked back at her. “Funny that. I don’t remember you telling me about you either."

At the slight blush that grazed Daichi’s cheeks, Ennoshita knew she had won that battle.

Tanaka, who had been getting significantly more drunker throughout the night, had had enough of this game. “Alright, new game! Truth or dare!” A few groans from acround the circle didn’t put her off; she put down an empty bottle in the middle of them all before spinning it. It span all the way around the circle several times before landing on Nishinoya. “Noya, its you! Truth or dare?"

“Dare, obviously!” 

Tanaka hummed in consideration. “I dare you to kiss someone in this room!” 

“Where exactly?” Noya accepted, smoothly.

Tanaka laughed. “Wherever you want!"

Noya got to her feet, scoping out the circle. She stopped in front of everyone, giving everyone the impression they had been chosen. Kageyama tried not to give off how little she wanted to kiss Noya. _Not with Hinata here, please God._ She thought. _But not Hinata. Shit, please don’t kiss her._ Nishinoya eventually found herself in front of Sugawara, a devilish grin on her face. “Suga-san?” She requested. Suga giggled, before nodding. Nishinoya knelt down, pressing a kiss against the other girls lips. Kageyama could feel herself getting a little warm. This certainly wasn’t what she’d been expecting when she’d arrived. Nishinoya sat back down in her seat triumphantly, a smile stuck on her face. Kageyama glanced between Suga and Noya; Suga hadn’t seemed to mind at all, going by the gentle smile she had on her face. Tanaka groaned, commenting on how she’d regret daring that once her turn came around. The game continued on, various truths revealed and dares which had been funny to watch; but the kiss had stuck in Kageyama’s head. She found herself staring at Sugawara all evening; how had she acted so nonchalant about it? Didn’t she care that everyone had been watching? Was Kageyama meant to feel that way? 

“Kageyama! Truth or dare?"

Kageyama was pulled out of her thoughts at the question posed to her. “Um… Dare."

Tanaka and Noya whispered amongst themselves, before Tsukishima leaned over and muttered something. Noya gasped. “That’s perfect!"

“What is it?” Kageyama asked, reluctantly. The three of them turned their gaze on her. Kageyama felt like she was about to be fed to lions by the looks they were giving her.

“We dare you to kiss Hinata on the lips,” Tanaka said. 

_Welp. I’d rather be lion food._ “What?!” She spluttered. 

“Why me?” Hinata asked.

“You guys both said you hadn’t kissed a girl other than your mums! Nows your chance,” Noya told them, giving them a thumbs up. “Kissing girls is more fun than kissing guys, anyway."

Kageyama can feel herself turning bright red. She looked at Sugawara for help. Suga gave a small nod. ‘You can do it,’ she mouthed. Kageyama took in a deep breath, before turning to face Hinata. “Fine. It’s just a dare, after all."

“Yeah,” Hinata replied. “I mean, you’re probably not even that good a kisser, anyway."

“What?!” Kageyama yelled. “I’ve had more experience than you, dumbass!"

“Doesn’t mean you’re any good at it!"

“Oh yeah? We’ll see, won’t we?” Kageyama growled, before leaning forward to kiss Hinata. She gave in a bit forcefully, but managed not to bang teeth. When their lips touched, Kageyama could hardly believe it was happening. She was actually kissing Hinata! She pressed into the kiss, moving her lips every so slightly. Hinata seemed frozen to the spot. When Kageyama noticed, she jumped away. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she looked over at the troublesome pair in triumph. “There."

“Wahoo! That was pretty steamy, Kageyama! That ex-boyfriend of yours must have taught you a lot,” Tanaka laughed. 

Kageyama’s eyes met Tsukishima’s for what felt like the millionth time that evening. Tsukishima’s cool expression bore into hers. “I guess you could say that."

The game continued, Hinata uncharacteristically quiet beside her. Kageyama dared to glance over at her a few times, but her expression was, surprisingly, unreadable. “You okay?” Kageyama murmured at a level only Hinata could hear.

Hinata startled at the sound of her voice, looking up at her in surprise. “Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine. I just…” She trailed off, a light blush forming on her cheeks. “Whatever.” 

Kageyama gulped. She’d ruined it. She knew this would happen. The others had been pushing her and pushing her, and look what had happened. She couldn’t believe she’d screwed up so bad. “I’m going to the bathroom.” She announced, getting to her feet. She rushed out of the room after Noya telling her where it is, quickly locking herself in. She sat down on the toilet seat, putting her head in her hands. She was such a mess. Why had she done that? Hinata was obviously uncomfortable with it all; it was stupid to think that anything good would have come from it-

She heard a knock on the door. She didn’t reply. The knocking continued. “Who is it?” 

“Who do you think,” Tsukishima’s voice muffled through the door. “Let me in, would you?"

She unlocked and opened the door, surprised when Tsukishima pulled it closed again behind them. The two of them stood in the small cramped bathroom, staring at each other. “Did you need to go, or-“ 

Before Kageyama can continue, Tsukishima’s already started moving. She kissed her, hands coming up to rest on her waist, where they would usually sit, and Kageyama sank into the kiss; its familiar to her now, easy to keep up with. There’s no confusion between them, just an understanding. She kissed back, the tempo changing to something faster, more harsh. Tsukishima pushed her up against the door, a knee sliding between her thighs. Kageyama gasped at the feeling of Tsukishima’s teeth scraping against her neck, her breathing light and fast. Her hands fall to Tsukishima’s breasts, massaging them through her thin t-shirt, feeling proud of the small sounds that Tsukishima’s makes at the contact. Tsukishima has tugged Kageyama’s shirt up before she can stop her, mouth dropping to Kageyama’s chest, tongue circling her nipples. Kageyama jolted at the feeling, a moan of pleasure escaping her. They’d never done this before, but Kageyama was thanking the god above it was happening now; every flick of the other girls tongue against her head her flinching in response. She found herself neglecting Tsukishima as she enjoyed it, but every time she attempted to rectify that Tsukishima would surprise her, biting down every so slightly or scraping her teeth against them. 

A knock on the door had them frozen. “Kageyama, did you fall in the toilet?” Nishinoya’s voice trailed through the door. “You’ve been in there a while."

Kageyama cleared her throat. “I’m okay,” She answered, with a wobbly voice. “I’ll be out soon."

“Are you alright?” Nishinoya asked in concern. “Hey, let me in for a second."

“I- that’s not necessary, Noya-senpai-"

“It’s about Hinata, isn’t it,” Noya murmured. “It’s okay to talk about it, Kageyama. I have experience in this area."

“W-what?” Kageyama replied. “What are you talking about?"

Nishinoya sighed. “I’m coming in.” The door handle twisted, and Kageyama moved out of the way in time to not fall out. She tugged her shirt down instantly, her bra still poking out in odd places. Nishinoya’s eyes widened at the sight of both of them; flustered and red-faced, staring at the ground. “Oh my god.” Nishinoya whispered. She tugged the door behind her closed once again, closing three of them into the already cramped bathroom. “You two?"

“No,” They both answered at the same time. 

“Shut up!” Noya laughed, “I can’t believe this!"

Kageyama hid her face in her hands. 

“This is… just amazing.” She sighed happily, before staring at Kageyama’s hidden face. “Hey, it’s alright. I won’t tell anyone. Obviously you guys are trying to be secretive. Not that getting off in my bathroom is very secretive, I mean, come on guys. Have some tact."

Tsukishima huffed.

“I’m surprised, Tsukishima,” Nishinoya told her. “Obviously my gaydar isn’t as good as I thought it was."

Tsukishima snorted. “Your gaydar?"

“Yes, my gaydar! It hasn’t failed me until you,” Noya pouted.

“What about me?” Kageyama asked.

“Oh no, I knew about you. Kageyama, you’ve got it so bad for Hinata, its a surprise the world doesn’t know by now."

Kageyama turned around, shoving her face into the wall. This was not happening. How many people knew about her being gay now?

“It’s chill, Kageyama. I’m bi, so is Ryuu, so is Chikara! And - well, others, but, those are the open people I know.” 

“You’re bi?” Kageyama questioned. 

“Bi and not shy,” Noya grinned. “Might want to fix your bra a bit, Kageyama. It’s a bit… Under-booby.” Looking down at her chest, Kageyama winced. She turned around, fixing it. “Anyway, now the truth is out, you guys should probably head back with me now. It’d be weird if I returned alone when going to look for you."

Noya opened the door once again, stepping outside. With one final shared glance, Kageyama and Tsukishima followed her back into the living room.  


	7. unrequited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay intensifies
> 
> also kageyama calls tsukishima 'kei' which i didnt realise how badly i wanted until i wrote it lmaO

 The rest of the evening passed rather peacefully compared to their earlier antics. Kageyama couldn’t stop herself from sparing Hinata a few glances, who had been uncharacteristically quiet most of the evening. They ended up abandoning the games, eventually putting on one of Noya’s action movies. They paid little attention to the actual film except for Noya’s quick outbursts at how cool one of the explosions were. Mostly, they just chatted amongst themselves. Kageyama found herself squished between Suga and Tanaka on the sofa, Daichi on Suga’s other side. Kageyama kept glancing over at the other sofa in the room where Hinata sat, Noya at her side. The two seemed to be muttering quietly, until Noya eventually took Hinata’s hand and took her to the kitchen. Kageyama wished desperately to know what she was talking about. She sighed, picking at her nails.  

“You alright?” Suga asked. Kageyama shrugged. “She’ll be alright. You know Hinata-chan. She bounces back from anything almost instantly."

“What if she hates me now?” Kageyama murmured. 

“I think that’s impossible, Kageyama.” Tanaka told her from her other side. “You two are inseparable - there’s no way she could hate you."

“But… This is different,” Kageyama said. “She might feel uncomfortable around me, or -"

“Listen,” Tanaka said, leaning over. “Hinata will get over it. It was just a kiss."

Kageyama looked over at Sugawara with a pained expression. 

“I’m going to get some more doritos,” Daichi said, getting to her feet. Tanaka joined her, talking about raiding Noya’s fridge for more beer. 

“I know how you feel,” Sugawara told her, a sad smile on her face. “Love can be confusing, especially for girls who like girls. I…” She glanced down at her lap. “I fell in love with a straight girl."

“You did?” Kageyama asked. “What happened?"

The expression on Sugawara’s face said enough. “It was painful, and I eventually told her about it. She was… a close friend of mine at the time. She cared about me so much that she even tried to love me back. It made things worse."

“Oh,” Kageyama replied quietly. 

“Yeah.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that."

“It’s okay. What matters is that she’s still my friend. I was just happy to not lose her completely."

“We’re back,” Tanaka called, jumping onto the sofa with a beer in her hand. Daichi followed, going back to Suga’s side and passing her a bag of doritos with a smile. Suga thanked her. Kageyama had never really noticed the way that Daichi and Suga moved around each other - always together, but never quite touching; always talking, but never quite saying anything. Kageyama caught the way Suga looked at Daichi, and realised who she had been talking about. She turned away, feeling awkward at having witnessed it. Is that what would happen to her and Hinata? If she admitted her feelings for her… Would they end up this way? _What matters is that she’s still my friend._ That’s what Suga had said. But the look in her eyes said differently.

“I’m going to get a drink,” Kageyama said, wanting to get away from them. 

“Beers are in the fridge,” Tanaka told her, sipping her own.

“No thanks, I’ll stick to water.” Kageyama replied, scrunching her face up at the thought of having to drink any more of that stuff. She headed off to the kitchen, the voices of Noya and Hinata carrying out to her. She paused in the hallway, unsure of whether to go any further and risk interrupting them. 

“You’ve never had these kind of thoughts before?” She heard Noya say.

“Not… Not before now,” Hinata replied. “S-should I have?"

Noya shrugged. “I don’t know. I think its normal for everyone to be curious. It’s different for me, since I’m definitely attracted to girls."

“And that’s not weird?"

“Nope. Not weird at all."

“But I - I don’t know what this means -"

“Don’t worry about what it does or doesn’t mean, Shoyo. Just think about what you want, and go from there.” 

“But I don’t know what I want!"

“Then experiment. Try new things until you find something you do want."

Hinata was quiet for a moment. 

“I…” She started.

“You shouldn’t eavesdrop,” A voice whispered behind Kageyama, making her jump out of her skin. She turned around, horrified. Ennoshita stood there, chuckling. She walked past her into the kitchen, greeting the other two. Kageyama cursed, following her in. “Oh, didn’t see you there Kageyama-san.” 

“I just wanted some water,” Kageyama replied, hoping she wasn’t blushing in embarrassment from being caught. She glanced over at Noya and Hinata, Hinata staring at her as if she was some freak attraction. Noya raised an eyebrow at her. Kageyama turned away from them, sighing quietly, and filled a glass with water. She headed back into the sitting room, finding her seat beside Suga had been taken by Asahi and Tanaka. She looked around for an empty spot, finding the only one beside Tsukishima. She swallowed her irritation and went and sat next to her. Tsukishima spared her a glance, before looking back to the film. With no one to talk to, Kageyama could feel herself getting tired. She yawned a few times, her eyes starting to droop. She leaned back against the sofa, eventually finding something warm to lean on. At the sound of a very loud explosion on the TV she was startled awake, unsure of where she was or what she was doing there. After a few seconds, she remembered she was at Noya’s house with the team. Relaxed, she leant back on what had been so comfortable before. 

“For your sake, I hope you don’t drool.” Tsukishima’s voice was closer than she expected, startling Kageyama once again. She realised what she had been sleeping on. She opened her eyes, glancing up. Tsukishima was staring down at her, the hint of a smirk pulling at her lips.

Kageyama felt her cheeks heat up, shoving her face back into Tsukishima’s shoulder. “I don’t drool. So shut up and let me sleep."

“As you wish, your Highness.” The usual bite was gone, her words feeling a strange feeling in Kageyama’s chest. Kageyama drifted in and out of consciousness; she noticed when Hinata and Noya came back into the room, sitting down next to her. She heard their mutterings, but couldn’t hear what they were saying. She heard the others a few times, telling them how ‘sweet’ they looked and Tsukishima’s responses of “I don’t have much choice in this matter,” as a way to defend herself. A poor defence, even Kageyama had to admit. 

Kageyama woke up again not much later, noticing the others had followed her lead, their heads lulling onto each others shoulders in an attempt to nap. She looked around the room, making sure everyone was asleep. Glancing up beside her, she noticed that not everyone was. Tsukishima was staring at the ceiling, one arm behind her head. “Hey,” Kageyama whispered. 

Tsukishima looked down at her, raising an eyebrow. “Someone finally woke up. How was your royal nap?"

“Awful. Your shoulder is so pointy."

“You could have slept on someone else’s."

“No I couldn’t."

Tsukishima huffed a laugh. “You must think so highly of me if I’m the only candidate for you to drool on."

“Not really. You’re just the only one who lets me drool on them."

“If you have actually drooled on me, I’ll pull that long hair of yours off your head."

“Mmm."

“You like that? Ugh, you’re so embarrassing."

“Shut up.” Kageyama told her, before tugging her down. She pressed their lips together in a small slow kiss. “Let’s go the kitchen.” She whispered. Tsukishima nodded, getting to her feet, tugging Kageyama up. They were silent as they left, scanning the room to make sure they hadn’t disturbed anyone on the way there.

They kept the lights off, Tsukishima crowding Kageyama up against the sink as she leaned in to kiss her again. Her thigh slipped between the other girls as she had done before, Kageyama curling one leg around the others to keep her there. She slid one hand down to Tsukishima’s jeans, undoing the button and pulling the zip down. She played with the top of Tsukishima’s underwear, her fingers brushing against her bare skin before sliding down. She began to press wet kisses against Tsukishima’s neck, who compliantly held her head up for easier access. Kageyama found the other girl was already wet, the small huffs and sighs coming from her indicating just how much she was enjoying it. One of Tsukishima’s hands slid into Kageyama’s hair, tugging on it slightly. Kageyama whined at the sensation, and Tsukishima huffed a laugh.

“You’re so gross.” She told her.

“Fuck off,” Kageyama replied, rolling her eyes. “As if there aren’t things like that that _you_ like.” As if to make her point, she scratched her nails down Tsukishima’s back, surprised when Tsukishima reacted. “Hah! I can’t believe that worked."

“Shut up.” Tsukishima growled, shoving their mouths together again. 

“Make me,” Kageyama replied, in between kisses. 

“Alright,” Tsukishima said, hiking Kageyama’s shirt up quickly. The cold air hit her quickly, making her shiver. 

“Jesus, give me some warning firs- ahhh,” Kageyama moaned at the feeling of Tsukishima’s mouth on her breasts again. She noticed her own hand had stilled in the excitement, and continued, causing Tsukishima’s movements to get more jolted as she tried to concentrate. 

“Ungh, Kei-" Kageyama found herself saying, pausing in surprise.

Tsukishima looked up at her, smirking. “Did you just call me Kei?"

“No."

“You did."

“I _didn’t."_

“That’s a pity. I like it when you call me that."

“Oh really? How about trashbag? That’s more accurate."

“Whatever you prefer, Queen."

Kageyama looked away in embarrassment. When Tsukishima continued licking her, she couldn’t control the name that fell from her lips. “Kei,” she whispered. “Fuck, Kei -"

 

The lights came on, blinding them both. They looked up in confusion, figuring out to late that the reason the lights had come on was because someone had _switched them on._ Horror sank into their bones as they looked over to the doorway.

 

Standing there, one hand resting on the light-switch and a look of utter surprise on her face, was none other than Hinata Shoyo. 


	8. confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama and Hinata have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short ish chapter, sorry! i decided to keep this and the last chapter as separate chapters instead of one big one. build up the SUSPENSE ya kno. 
> 
> thank you for all your lovely comments - it really swells my heart to read your anguished comments such as 'i literally love to die' 'fuck fuck fuck' and 'i am screaming'. it gives me life. 
> 
> as usual, you can reach me on tumblr at nauticee.tumblr.com. i love hearing from u all!!! at the moment, im still stuck in a stalemate over who kageyama will choose, so there might be a bit of a wait til the next chapter. especially since i might have to write two, in which she chooses either one of them, and then decide which one i prefer. or i might do a poll, so you guys can choose! anyway, we'll see. please enjoy the chapter OuO

 They stared at each other, unmoving. Kageyama couldn’t believe this was even happening. Surely this had to be a dream, right? She was meant to come out to Hinata in her own time, with her own words, with her own desire to. Not like this. Never like this. 

 She pulled her hand from Tsukishima’s underwear instantly, pulling her shirt down. Tsukishima stepped away, looking at neither of them. Kageyama and Hinata stared at each other, unable to speak. Hinata couldn’t stop looking between the two, trying to figure out how on earth this was even real. Kageyama finally looked over at Tsukishima, catching her eye. Tsukishima tilted her head very slightly, silently asking if she should leave. Kageyama nodded. Tsukishima left without another word, passing Hinata without a glance. Kageyama took a deep breath.

“What…” Hinata started. “What was _that?"_

Kageyama winced at her words, unable to raise her eyes from the floor. “I… I can explain."

“I can’t wait to hear it,” Hinata replied angrily. 

When Kageyama finally raised her eyes to look at Hinata, she found her looking rather blurry. She couldn’t stop the tears from overflowing, falling down her face. 

Hinata’s anger softened into concern. “Kageyama?” She moved closer until she was stood in front of her. 

“I… I…” Kageyama felt like she had something lodged in her throat. She hadn’t wanted to tell Hinata. She still didn’t. But there was no way around it now. The tears kept coming.

“Oh Kageyama,” Hinata sighed, pulling her into a hug. Kageyama cried even more, wondering if this was the last hug Hinata would ever give her. Hinata pulled her to the floor and they sat together, Kageyama crying into Hinata’s shoulder. Hinata didn’t speak, didn’t ask - she just waited for Kageyama to.

Once the majority of tears had passed, she opened her mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again. Then closed it again. With a sigh, she opened it once more, forcing the words past her lips. “I’m gay, Hinata.” she whispered. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hinata asked, quietly.

“I didn’t want you to hate me."

Hinata flicked her on the nose. “You idiot. As if I’d hate you over something like that."

Kageyama couldn’t find it in herself to be mad about being flicked in the nose, her mind still rolling the words around in her head. “So you don’t hate me?"

“Of course not! God, Kageyama, you can be a right moron sometimes. It’s a good thing you’re so good at volleyball."

Kageyama didn’t reply, instead wrapping her arms around Hinata and squeezing tight. 

They remained like that for a while. Eventually, Hinata had to ask. “So, that secret boyfriend of yours…"

“Tsukishima.” Kageyama murmured.

“That’s the one thing I don’t get,” Hinata said. “So all this time, you’ve been - with her? You guys hate each other!"

“I know,” Kageyama replied. “Well, I don’t know. We don’t anymore, at least. She was the only person I could talk to about - about it."

“What about that fight you had? What was that about?"

Kageyama sighed. “She’d just found out I was gay and was being a dick. And I’d only just figured it out, so I was terrified of anyone finding out. I went a bit crazy."

“Ahh,” Hinata responded. “So are you and her - are you guys like, a couple?"

Kageyama snorted. “God no.” At least, she thought not. They’d never talked about it. God, were they a couple. “I don’t… I don’t think so, anyway."

Hinata didn’t respond. 

Kageyama looked up at her after a little while. “Hey, are you… Are you really okay with this?"

“What?” Hinata replied. “Of course I am. You’re my best friend, Kageyama.” She shoved Kageyama lightly. “Although I’m still pissed that you didn’t tell me sooner."

Kageyama blushed. “Sorry."

Hinata giggled. “It’s fine, really. I understand."

They sat together for a while, both lost in their own thoughts. There was something Kageyama still didn’t understand. “Can I ask you something?” She said, her head resting on top of Hinata’s as they sat back against the cupboards. 

“Sure,” Hinata replied.

“Earlier... when I kissed you,” Kageyama felt Hinata tense underneath her. “Did it… Upset you? Or make you uncomfortable, or-"

“No,” Hinata cut her off quickly, looking away. “I… It just surprised me, is all."

“Oh,” Kageyama said, shortly. While it was a relief to know she hadn’t upset her friend, it still didn’t stop the nagging curiosity of what was going through the other girls mind.

“It- it was nice,” Hinata admitted, shrinking lower into the cupboards. Kageyama tried to look at her face, but she was nestling it in her knees. 

Kageyama felt a blush rise to the back of her neck. “Oh, uh. Good. That’s - that’s good."

“I haven’t kissed a lot of people,” Hinata said, quietly. “But that was the best kiss I’ve ever had."

Kageyama’s face was bright red. She hoped Hinata couldn’t hear how hard and fast her heart was pumping in her chest. As if being caught with her shirt up and hand down another girls pants wasn’t embarrassing enough for the evening. “I - I - I’m…” She stuttered, before trying again. “I’m glad you… liked it. I liked it too.” 

Hinata let out a small embarrassed laugh. They sat there awkwardly for a while longer, before Hinata eventually stretched her legs out in front of them. “We should probably go back. I think it’s time for bed."

“Yeah,” Kageyama agreed halfheartedly. Despite the embarrassment, Kageyama wished for more alone time with Hinata. Now she could finally feel safe around her, her biggest secret off the table, she wanted to stay by her side. Maybe try kissing a bit more. But she couldn’t say that. 

Hinata got to her feet, holding her hand out for Kageyama. The other girl took it, letting herself be pulled up, ignoring the way Hinata slightly struggled to. They smiled softly at each other in the yellow kitchen light, before heading back to the living room, Kageyama’s heart still thumping away. When they got back, they found the majority of them were awake. 

“Oh, there you two are!” Tanaka yelled, waking up whoever had been attempting to sleep still. The group looked in their direction, making Kageyama feel nervous under their gaze. Tsukishima was sat beside Yamaguchi on the sofa, the two speaking quietly. 

Sugawara looked up, a look of hope on her face as she glanced between the two of them. At Kageyama’s nod, Sugawara burst into a wide smile. 

“Uh,” Kageyama cleared her throat. “I wanted to say something to you all.” Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, but said nothing more. Noya and Suga sat together, beaming up at her, cheering her on. One final glance at Hinata showed the accepting smile on her face, and she turned to the group with determination. “I’m gay. I hope you don’t mind.” 

“You’re gay?!” Tanaka yelled, making Kageyama flinch. What Kageyama had automatically assumed as negative was soon squelched, as Tanaka raced over to her, forcing her into a hug. “You idiot, as if anyone would mind. Also, who the fuck says ‘I hope you don’t mind’ after announcing their sexuality?” Tanaka laughed. Noya was laughing too, coming over and hugging her as well. Beside her, Hinata joined the hug. Eventually the whole team was crowding her in a massive group hug, laughing and cheering. Kageyama was laughing too, the overflowing love from her teammates swelling her heart. She looked up into the sea of faces, spotting Tsukishima’s. She had a small smile on her face, one that no one else seemed to see. It wasn’t a nasty smile that intended to mock her, nor was it a smile of pity. It was a smile that said _I’m proud of you_  and it was just for Kageyama.

When the hug eventually broke up, Kageyama couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at having had announced that to everyone. She avoided everyones gazes, but couldn’t hide the smile from her face.

“Alright, bed time I think guys,” Daichi told them, receiving a group of groans in response. “What are you guys, five year olds?"

“Yes,” Noya answered seriously, glaring at her. 

“Well, five year olds shouldn't still be awake at nearly 2am. So go to sleep."

Noya grumbled, causing Daichi to go over and give her a nuggie. The team settled down to sleep amongst the blankets and duvets and sleeping bags Noya had gotten out for them, still giggling even after the lights had gone off. Kageyama lay between Tsukishima and Hinata, Hinata chatting to her excitedly while Tsukishima had her back turned to her. It was when Daichi finally told them all the shut up that they eventually settled down.

Kageyama lay there, unable to sleep. She watched Hinata’s sleeping face, the soft curves and long eyelashes beckoning to be touched, caressed. Her lips plump and pink, moving ever so slightly as she breathed. Her heart thumped in her chest as she looked at the other girl, a mix of feelings dwelling inside of her.

She glanced over at Tsukishima, who had settled sleeping on her back, head slightly tilted away from her. She watched her, following the pale expanse of her face down her neck to her shoulders to her arms. Kageyama stared at Tsukishima’s hand, so close she could reach out and envelope it in her own. She doubted Tsukishima would mind.

But why would she do that? She knew the score between them; it was a strictly physical relationship they had - as well as some _platonic_ feelings talks and _platonic_ comforting after a panic attack - there was no reason for her to do something as gentle as hold her hand without some kind of intent. Yet the hand beckoned her, she felt her own move without her permission until their hands were side by side. Her heart was still thumping at the thought of it, confusing her - this wasn’t the same as how she felt towards Hinata, right? Hinata was who she loved. They fit together perfectly - they were the ultimate pair. They were going to take the world by storm together. It wasn’t like that with Tsukishima. 

Tsukishima was brass and rude, she was beautiful and honest, she was never afraid to call Kageyama out when she was being tyrannical. She was funny and smart, she even helped Kageyama out with her homework sometimes; although admittedly, they didn’t get very far before Tsukishima got mad at her stupidity and decided to teach her a different kind of lesson. 

Kageyama felt her cheeks heat up. What did she really want? Did she want the comfortable not-relationship she had settled into with Tsukishima? Or did she want to pursue Hinata, delving into unknown territory, knowing Hinata could reject her at any moment? She knew she couldn’t do both. She had to choose.

Hinata or Tsukishima?

She laid there dwelling on it, not reaching a conclusion as she slowly fell asleep.


	9. cuddling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tsukishima and kageyama cuddle and talk for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate this chapter its sHIT im so sorry ive got crazy ass writers block rn and i was so desperate to update this fic bc its been over a MONTH and i keep getting amazing comments frm you guys saying such wonderful things and i feel so guilty lmao   
> anyway i promise ill write something better (and longer) soon for the next chapter but for now heres some cuddles

“Tsukishima.” 

They’re sat in Tsukishima’s room, Kageyama on the floor leaning against the other girls bed as she attempted to do homework. Tsukishima is sat on the bed, leaning against the wall, eyes closed with headphones on. _Anti-social,_  Kageyama had told her, to which Tsukishima had replied _that’s the point._ They hadn’t seen each other very much since Nishinoya’s party; now that Kageyama had revealed her secret to Hinata, they’d been spending more and more time together. Every text she got from Tsukishima had felt like a stab in the gut, making her feel guilty as she responded with a negative to hanging out. They hadn’t gotten together since then either; now that half of the volleyball team knew about them, they’d avoided wandering off together, as not to inform any of their team of their activities. 

Kageyama had been doing English homework - her worst subject - before eventually getting distracted, her mind drifting off. There was this small tension in the room, between her and Tsukishima - the lack of acknowledgement of each other, as well as the lack of argument. It was unsettling, to say the least. Kageyama wasn’t entirely sure how to make it go back to normal, but it was all she could think about. She wanted nothing more than the crawl up onto the bed beside the blonde and kiss her. Well, not even that, really. Kageyama had never seemed like the type of person who would cuddle, but at that moment, with the lack of _anything_ going on between them, it seemed to be what she craved most from the other girl. She tried to focus on her homework once again, before huffing and throwing it down. She glanced up at the other girl, watching her peaceful expression. She called her name. There was no response.

“Tsukishima.” She called again. Still no response. Kageyama considered pulling on one of her braids. “Kei.” She tried. An amber eye slid open. So she _had_ heard her. 

“Yes?” Tsukishima replied, without removing her headphones.

Kageyama isn’t sure how exactly she’s supposed to tell her that she wants to cuddle. It’s not something they’ve ever done before. She frowned and looked away. She probably should have thought of something to say first. “Never mind.” 

“Oh?” Tsukishima said, pushing her headphones down her neck. “Now I’m interested."

“It’s nothing,” Kageyama says, brushing hair out of her face.

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow before shrugging and placing her headphones back on. Kageyama looked at her from the corner of her eye, waiting for her eyes to shut. She huffed to herself. If she couldn’t think of the right words, she’d just go up there instead. 

Tsukishima’s eyes slid open again once she felt a dip in the mattress, seeing Kageyama as she moved up to sit next to her. Once in front of the other girl, Kageyama realised she still didn’t know how to go about this cuddling business. “Uh…"

“Did you need something, Queen?” Tsukishima smirked, moving her headphones around her neck again. Kageyama could faintly hear the music coming from them. 

“No,” Kageyama said. Tsukishima stared at her. “I mean, yes. No.” 

“Right,” Tsukishima said. “You don’t seem to know the answer yourself."

Kageyama blushed slightly, before looking down at the space between them. She moved her hand onto Tsukishima’s. “I, um."

“Spit it out already."

Kageyama gathered her courage and swallowed her pride. “I want to cuddle.” She said, with such determination in her eyes that Tsukishima actually looked a little startled. 

Until she burst into laughter.

She laughed for a whole minute, ignoring Kageyama’s cursing and insults, eventually having to wipe her eyes as she settled down. “You demanding something like that so seriously is hilarious, alright?” 

Kageyama glared at her, about to move back to her position on the floor, before Tsukishima tightened her grip on her hand. “That wasn’t a no.” She told her, a mocking smile still in place on her face. Kageyama would have been more pissed if she wasn’t distracted by the fact that Tsukishima agreed to _cuddling._ The blonde girl laid back on the bed, tugging the other with her, leaving Kageyama awkwardly hovering half over her. Slowly, she laid down beside her before shuffling closer and putting her head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. She wrapped an arm around her and didn’t look up. Tsukishima’s arm slowly wrapped around her as well, fingers gently gripping onto the fabric of her shirt. It was kind of awkward in a way, but seemed to appease the craving Kageyama had been feeling before. The awkwardness didn’t stop it from feeling comfortable and warm, the soft sound of Tsukishima’s music drifting from her headphones calming. 

“You and Hinata seem to be back on track, it seems,” Tsukishima murmured after a little while. 

“Yeah,” Kageyama replied, her voice sounding a little strange

There’s another lull in conversation as they mull in their own thoughts. Kageyama suddenly remembers something she’d said to Hinata at Noya’s party. _Are you guys, like, a couple?_  Kageyama had certainly never thought so. But then, she had never thought going this far physically would usually be with someone she considered a friend. Or less than a friend, really. Not to mention that they _did_ actually seem to enjoy each other’s company off the court, and not just when they were messing around. Out of all the things they’d talked about, the subject of ‘them’ had never really come up.

“So I suppose you’re going to ask her out,” Tsukishima said at the same time that Kageyama asked, “Are we a couple?"

Kageyama looked up at her to find the other girl staring back at her in confusion. 

“I…” Tsukishima replied, unsure of how to respond. “You like Hinata.” She came out with, lamely.

“That doesn’t answer my question."

“I don’t think we are. Do you?"

“No,” Kageyama said, voice strained. “I just… I never really thought about it. Like, what we’re doing."

“You didn’t think about it. Now that’s a surprise."

“Fuck off."

“Make me."

Kageyama doesn’t give into the bait like she usually would, knowing that it’ll lead to a steamy make out session that Kageyama didn’t really feel in the mood for quite yet. She started tracing shapes on Tsukishima’s stomach, closing her eyes.

“You didn’t answer my question before,” Tsukishima mumbled. 

“Hm?"

“I said, I suppose you’re going to ask Hinata out.” 

“Oh.” Kageyama said. “I… I don’t know."

“Why not? You seem like you might be in with a chance at least."

“And if she rejects me? Or says yes to make me feel better? If we break up and it ruins everything between us?” Kageyama thought back on Suga’s word. _What matters is she’s still my friend._ “I don’t… I don’t want to lose her. Hinata is… Well, you know."

“Yes I do,” Tsukishima responded, quietly. “So if you don’t ask her out, what are you going to do? Just mope?"

Kageyama was quiet, her fingers tightening in Tsukishima’s shirt. “I’m not sure.” She thought for a moment. “I like this.” She said simply. When she felt Tsukishima tense underneath her, she started to wonder if she’d said the wrong thing. She looked up at her, seeing Tsukishima staring at the ceiling. 

“I…” Tsukishima started. “I like this too.” 

They lulled back into a comfortable silence, drifting off to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to talk to me on tumblr: nauticee.tumblr.com   
> also i have a haikyuu!! blog now! it's all about the captains: captain-volleyball.tumblr.com 
> 
> hope you enjoyed~


	10. ringing in my ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama and Hinata have a chat. Kageyama has some thinking to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy!  
> also pls read the note at the end of this chapter for an update on whats happening with this fic!

 “Why Tsukishima?” Hinata asked one afternoon as they sat in Hinata’s living room.  

“Why Tsukishima what?” Kageyama sighed, doing her maths homework.

“Y-you know what! Come on, out of all the people on the team, you end up… canoodling with the snarkiest, nastiest one?” 

“Canoodling?” Kageyama questioned, tilting her head at the other girl in confusing.

“Shut up. You know what I’m talking about."

“No I don’t, because I’ve never heard the word ‘canoodling’ before."

“Jeesh, like - you know, getting together and stuff!"

“Oh right.” Kageyama said, “why didn’t you just say that then, dumbass?"

“I’m not a dumbass!” Hinata scowled. “Just answer the question, okay?"

Kageyama thought about it. “She kissed me first. She was the only other gay person I knew, so it made sense to try it out with her."

“But now you know there’s other people on our team who are… You wouldn’t rather… With them?"

“You’re telling me to make out with Noya-senpai now?” Kageyama frowned.

“N-no!"

“That’s basically what you’re saying."

“It isn’t! Idiot! Look, I guess I just don’t see the appeal of Tsukishima, alright?"

Kageyama had gone quiet for a moment. “I suppose you’re right."

Hinata hit her head on the table. 

Kageyama stared at her in alarm. “What?"

“What’s not what you’re supposed to say!” Hinata all but screamed, causing her mother to come in and scold her. After she left, Hinata looks back to Kageyama, unimpressed. “You must like something about her to still be doing this with her, right?"

“I-"

“Because if you don’t, then you’re leading her on, you know that?” 

“What?"

“I may not especially like the girl, but it’s not fair to her if you don’t… Feel anything, okay?"

Kageyama couldn’t explain the anger that swelled up inside of her at that moment. “What would you know?” She hissed. “You know nothing about me and Tsukishima! You think all we do is have sex and call each other rude names? She was the only person I could turn to when I was terrified of anyone knowing about me! She probably knows more about my life than you do!” Hinata stared at her in shock. “She was the only one there for me."

“You…” Hinata started, Kageyama watching the anger grow into her expression. “How was I supposed to know about it when you didn’t tell me? I would have supported you, I would have helped you!” 

“That’s the whole fucking point! I _couldn’t_ tell you!” 

“Why not?"

“Because I-“ _Like you._ Kageyama only just caught herself in time, shaking her head in frustration. She grabbed her stuff, piling it back into her bag. 

“Why Kageyama?” Hinata demanded, stepping closer to her. 

“I just couldn’t, okay?!” Kageyama snapped.

“There has to be a reason! I’m your best friend, aren’t I?” At Kageyama’s silence, Hinata’s voice cracked slightly. “Aren’t I?"

“You are,” Kageyama agreed, quietly.

“Then why won’t you tell me?” Hinata asked, close to tears. “What is there that you can tell _her_ but not me?!"

“You fucking idiot-“ Kageyama growled, before she kissed the other girl. The kiss was short, Kageyama pulling back as soon as their lips touched. “That’s why, alright? You happy now? Now you know what Tsukishima knows. So go ahead and tell me to fuck off, or whatever-"

“You like me?” Hinata asked, surprised. Kageyama winced. 

“Yes,” she admitted. 

Hinata put her fingers to her lips, blinking a few times. “I…"

Kageyama could feel her heart pounding in her chest, desperately wishing she could redo the last few minutes. This wasn’t what she had intended to do at all. “Just forget about it,” she told the other girl, attempting to move past her. 

Hinata grabbed her wrist, stopping her. “Just stop, Kageyama. Stop for a second. Let me just…” She stared at some far off place, seemingly trying to understand what was happening.

Kageyama sighed quietly, but made no effort to move. Eventually, Hinata sat down, tugging the other girl down with her. 

“I’m sorry,” Hinata told her quietly. “I didn’t… I had no idea.” 

“It’s fine,” Kageyama mumbled back.

“No it isn’t,” she responded, and Kageyama immediately tensed. “N-no, not like that! I mean… You should have been able to tell me about it and not be scared that I’d hate you or tell you to fuck off. You’re my best friend Kageyama, and I… I _care_ about you so much but…"

“But that’s it,” Kageyama finished for her. “I’m _just_ your best friend.” Hinata nodded a little sheepishly. Kageyama felt her insides twist and change, disappointment and embarrassment swirling together with the tiniest bit of relief. 

“I wish I could-“ Hinata started, before gulping. “I… I hate thinking that I’m the reason you kept quiet for so long,” Hinata admitted quietly, before Kageyama heard her start sniffling.

“No, no, no,” Kageyama said, putting an arm around her. Hinata leaned in, resting her head on the girls shoulder. “It wasn’t… It wasn’t all you. It was the thought of being rejected by - well, everyone. You, the team, classmates, my mum - it was a lot of reasons.” 

“You mean it?” Hinata asked, quietly. Kageyama nodded. “But you still… Went through all of it thinking that I wouldn’t accept you, I…"

“I didn’t think anyone would,” Kageyama admitted. “It felt like my whole world had been turned upside down. I didn’t know how anybody felt about homosexuality, I couldn’t even attempt to try and figure out how anyone would react - I was terrified.” 

“I see,” Hinata replied. “I see now.” She got to her knees, tugging Kageyama into a tight hug. “I’m sorry."

“It’s okay,” Kageyama told her, and really, it was. Kageyama felt lighter and heavier at the same time; while initially she’d been sad by her rejection, talking to Hinata like this… It made her feel like maybe things would turn out okay. 

“But now you’re free of that,” Hinata murmured into her ear. “The team knows, I know - finally you can be yourself."

“Not quite,” Kageyama sighed. “I haven’t told my mum yet. That’s the last hurdle, and probably going to be the worst one."

Hinata pressed a small kiss to Kageyama’s cheek and pulled back. “You’ll get through it. We’ll all support you through it, we will. Me, Tsukishima, the team, we’ll be at your back 100% of the way.” 

Kageyama smiled. _Maybe things would be okay._

+++

 

Kageyama and Hinata had talked for a while longer, ignoring their homework. They talked more about Tsukishima, Hinata trying to pull some feelings out of Kageyama: “What do you like about there, then?” “She’s good at blocking.” “I’m going to murder you, Kage-chan.” They talked about the team too; it’s comfortable, having all of her walls down before her best friend. Hinata confessed to possibly being bi-curious after sharing a kiss at Nishinoya’s party, but hadn’t really thought about it much since then. Kageyama had told her she was envious of her nonchalance about it, before Hinata hit her over the head with a pillow. Before long, they put on a volleyball match to watch, Hinata’s little brother coming in and sitting between them, staring wide-eyed as the two girls yelled and squealed over the match. 

When Kageyama eventually headed home, she decided to take a walk through the pack on the way back, pulling headphones out of her pocket and sliding them into place over her ears. She’d been listening to music a lot more recently; the source of this being Tsukishima’s insistence, after discovering that Kageyama had approximately 3 songs on her phone, none of which she could recall the right names for. Tsukishima had made her a playlist of songs and put them on her phone for her, embarrassed when Kageyama eventually reported back that she did in fact like the music the other girl had given her. Kageyama could count the number of times she’d seen Tsukishima embarrassed on one hand, which made witnessing it so much more worth it. She stopped at a bench and took a seat, scrolling through the list of songs before eventually picking one. 

 

_You’re a canary, I’m a coal mine_

_‘Cause sorrow is just all the rage_

_Take one for the team_

_You all know what I mean_

 

As she sat there, watching the sky grow darker, she couldn’t help but think of the other girl. With her long blonde hair never seen outside of braids, her amber eyes looking down at her no longer in a way that was mocking, but instead fond. Kageyama wasn’t quite sure when they had started to become friends; more than anything, she wasn’t sure how she’d managed to break down her walls so quickly. The two of them didn’t work together, that’s what the whole team thought. Their personalities and egos clashed, they argued constantly while on the court, Kageyama wasn’t sure if Tsukishima even liked volleyball that much. Hadn’t that always been a requirement for someone she wanted to date?

 

_And I’m so sorry, but not really_

_Tell the boys where to find my body_

_New York eyes, Chicago thighs_

_Pushed up the window to kiss you off_

Wait. When had she decided she wanted to date Tsukishima? Kageyama felt herself blushing, swatting at her own cheeks in an attempt to hide it. Kageyama couldn’t imagine them dating, really. Going on dates seemed like it would be a disaster. They’d end up walking around a history museum to look at the dinosaur exhibits and Kageyama would get bored, because she didn’t really care about dinosaurs, even though she knew Tsukishima did, so maybe it wouldn’t be that bad just to see the small smile on her face while reading all the plaques -

 

_Do you remember the way I held your hand?_

_Under the lamp post and ran home_

_This way so many times_

_I could close my eyes_

And going out for dinner would be a disaster, because she didn’t know what kind of food Tsukishima liked except for strawberry shortcake, so Kageyama would have to find a restaurant that specifically did that dessert, and then they wouldn’t have anything to talk about, because really, what did they talk about past school, Hinata, the team, volleyball, music…

 

_The truth hurts worse than anything I could bring myself to do to you_

 

“Shit.” Kageyama mumbled, causing an elderly woman passing her to glare. When had she starting thinking so much about Tsukishima? When had she learnt all this stuff about her? It seemed like they hardly ever spoke about themselves past the whole gay thing, yet Kageyama knew her sister’s name, how she and Yamaguchi met, her favourite colour. Kageyama knew a lot more than she bargained for. There were other things she knew about her of course, physical things, like the way she loves the feel of Kageyama’s nails scratching down her back, or Kageyama’s teeth scraping against her neck but not biting, or kisses just behind her ear, all of that and more that she had managed to catalogue away without realising. Kageyama let out a shaky breath. Did she want to date Tsukishima? Was this a thing? Did she...

Did she _like_ Tsukishima?

The song ended, another one taking it’s place. She picked up her phone, putting it back on the song before and listening to the lyrics. Now she had started, she just couldn’t _stop_ thinking about the other girl. All these things she knew about her all this time, and worst of all was that she wanted to know _more._ She wanted to know what her favourite movies were, or how her face looks when she wakes up the next morning, what pajamas she wore, what perfume she used.

Kageyama turned her music off, shoving her headphones back in her pocket and briskly getting to her feet. “I think I’ll jog home,” she muttered, attempting to get home as fast she could. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you might have realised by now what endgame ship is. i hope not to many of you are disappointed, but really, i think this was the best way to go. thank you all so much for your input into the decision making, i chose the ship based on the amount of people asking for it! 
> 
> song is I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers by Fall Out Boy
> 
> i spent ages trying to figure out what kind of music tsukki would listen to, oh mama. i went through my entire spotify trying to decide. eventually i figured, yeah, you know what? tsukki IS angsty enough to be a huge FOB fan. more specifically, old FOB, with Infinity on High as her fav album. 
> 
> also news! you may have noticed, but i've put a final count for the chapters on here! in total there should be around 13 chapters, this being the 10th one - although that may change if i do an epilogue kind of chapter or not. i haven't completely decided, but I've got a very rough plan for the next few chapters up to the end of the fic. woo! i cant believe how quickly the end will come around, ahaha. i spent so long like "ok well now im stuck since i have no idea how to finish this fic" and now it's all clicking into place for once. 
> 
> i'd just like to thank everyone who reads this fic and leaves kudos and comments, it honestly means so much to me, i love reading the comments and how much you enjoyed reading it or your ideas and analysis over their interactions! there's nothing nicer than reading your enthusiasm for this silly little fic of mine. so yes, thank you all so much. we'll get to the end of this together. 
> 
> as always, you can talk to me on my tumblr blog: nauticee.tumblr.com  
> or check out my haikyuu!! captains blog: captain-volleyball.tumblr.com
> 
> hope you guys enjoy!


	11. silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama considers. Kageyama acts.

“You and that Tsukishima-san seem to be growing close,” her mother comments one day. Kageyama seizes up round the plate she was drying, hesitant to response. She spares a small glance in her direction to gauge her expression, trying to understand where this conversation was leading.

“I suppose,” Kageyama replies.

Her mother smiles. “I’m glad you’re making more friends. Tsukishima-san seems like a good influence, as well as that Hinata-san."

Kageyama nods. “Maybe."

“I’m just glad to see you happy, darling,” she says, pressing a kiss to her daughters forehead before leaving the room. Kageyama sighs quietly, finishing drying off the plate before heading upstairs. She lays on her bed, tossing her volleyball up in the air, thinking. If all her mother cared about was her happiness, then surely she would be accepting of Kageyama’s identity, regardless of her own views, right? Maybe it would take a while, but surely… Her mother was her mother. She loved her, right? Kageyama couldn’t help but feel uneasy at her own thoughts.

_Should I consider telling her? Or is that too risky?_

She tosses the ball for a few more minutes, stewing in her own thoughts. Friends… Her and Tsukishima were long past that at this stage. She wanted to go on dates with her and spend time with her in ways that _definitely_ weren't friendly. She wasn’t sure her mother would approve.

So maybe she shouldn’t tell her… But with all the time they spent together, holed up in Kageyama’s room, noises she might hear if she were to pass by the door… What if she became suspicious? Wouldn’t it be better to tell her first before she walked in on lesbian sex?

She’d said before it was perverse and weird. Kageyama didn’t think her walking in on her daughter having sex with another girl would help that opinion change.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, surprising her. The volleyball landed, hitting her in the face. She yelped, rubbing the sore spot on her face as she grabbed her phone.

_Hinata is calling…_

Kageyama answered. “What?"

_“Rude! That’s no way to greet someone over the phone?"_

“Shut up. What do you want?"

_“Geez! What’s got you in such a tizz?"_

“Hinata-"

“ _Okay, okay!”_ Kageyama hears some shuffling on the other line before Hinata speaks again. “ _I skyped with Kenma earlier.”_

“Nekoma’s setter?” Kageyama asks. “So what?"

_“Um…”_ Hinata says. “ _Ah, you know what, never mind. I just realised I have to go wash my dog."_

“You don’t have a dog."

“ _I need to play with my little brother."_

“Shouldn’t he be asleep by now?"

_“I need to do my homework!"_

“Like you ever do your homework,” Kageyama says. Hinata groans. “Just tell me what’s up already."

_“Maybe I shouldn’t,”_ Hinata says, nervously. “ _I didn’t think this through… I - I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything; I just, you’re the first person I turn to for like, everything-"_

“Spit it out, then."

“ _But, what if…"_

“I don’t care. Tell me."

Hinata huffs. “ _I was skyping Kenma and… It was different. From usual.”_

Kageyama raises an eyebrow. “Different?"

_“Yeah… Like, I told her about you confessing to me-“_

“Thanks,” Kageyama deadpans.

“ _Not like that! Just like - to talk about it…”_ She sighs. “ _So I told her about it, and she got all quiet - well, she’s normally quiet, but this was even MORE quiet - and I wasn’t sure why. When I asked her what was wrong, she wouldn’t tell me. So I asked her if she’d ever been confessed to and she said ‘yes, a few times’. And it - I don’t know why but - I felt so… so…”_

_“_ So what?"

“ _Angry! So… I don’t know! It was weird. I’m not sure what any of it means. I can’t imagine someone confessing to Kenma… I mean, I can, he’d probably go up to her with flowers and ask her to go out with him, and Kenma would blush and her hair would get in her eyes because she’d be looking down… And then she’d say no, because there’s no way she’d date some random guy, Kenma doesn’t like-"_

“Boys?"

“ _Strangers,”_ Hinata finishes, before gasping. “ _What?! You think she’s gay?"_

“She could be,” Kageyama says disinterestedly, picking up a nail file from her desk. She tucks the phone between her head and shoulder before starting to file her nails. “I don’t know. Noya-san seems to be the one with the sense for this kind of thing."

_“You’re right,”_ Hinata says,  _“I gotta call Noya-senpai! Hold on!”_

The call cuts off suddenly, Kageyama rolling her eyes and putting the phone down on her desk. Her mind wander back to her previous thread of thoughts and she sighs. She wasn’t sure what to do. She rubs her face with her hands, before standing up. _You know what? I’ll just tell her. I’m sick of hiding it,_ she thinks determinedly. The thoughts make her nauseous just from considering it, so she heads to the bathroom to grab a glass of water. She downs it all in one, before staring at herself in the mirror. _You got this,_ she thinks. _There’s no need to be nervous. Suga said that even her mother accepted her eventually._

She doesn’t leave any time to think about the inbetween period as she walks down the stairs. She doesn’t wonder about her mother not accepting her at all. She doesn’t consider the thought of getting kicked out of the house for it. She shoves every possibility from her mind, without a second thought. She was going to do it.

 

Her mother is sat in the living room watching television. She smiles at her daughter as she appears, patting the seat next to her. Kageyama sits beside her, pretending to watch TV while she rehearses her words in her head. “Mum,” she starts. “I need to say something."

Her mother raises an eyebrow, but nods. She switches the TV off, giving her daughter all of her attention. After a few moments of Kageyama opening and closing her mouth with nothing coming out, her mother prompts her. “Yes, Tobi? Come out with it."

Kageyama takes a deep breath. “I think I’m gay."

The silence is stiffening. Kageyama feels her throat close up as she watches her mothers eyes go wide. She desperately wishes her mother had left the TV on, if only for some noise to fill this deafening silence. The longer the silence continues, the more Kageyama shrinks; the more her mind whirls in agony with thoughts such as ‘ _this was a mistake_ ’ and ‘I _shouldn’t have done this_ ’ and ‘ _I’m such an idiot_ ’. She watches her mothers blank expression, desperately hoping for her to say something. Anything.

Finally, her mother opens her mouth.

“No you’re not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iM SORRY


	12. hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tsukishima and the team reflect on kageyama's situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI PLS READ THIS BEFORE GOING ANY FURTHER
> 
> this chapter includes a lot of homophobia and the F slur, so please watch out if that upsets you,,
> 
> also if ur going thru similar things in this fic feel free to drop me a message if u want someone to talk to

“Where’s Kageyama-san today?” Daichi asks, looking around the girls locker room for the setter. She spots Hinata changing alone. “Hinata? Do you know where she is?"

Hinata looks as concerned as Daichi does. “No, I haven’t seen her. She wouldn’t pick up my calls yesterday either.” 

“That’s weird,” Suga says, flipping her phone open. She clicks on Kageyama’s contact number and calls. Her phone goes straight to voicemail. “Looks like her phones turned off, or something.” She looks over at the tall blonde middle blocker, who had been not to subtly listening to their conversation. “Do you know anything, Tsukishima?"

Tsukishima looks like a deer caught in headlights for approximately a second, before schooling her expression. “Why would I know?” She asks, nervously, despite knowing that at least half the people in that locker room knew about them by now. She sighs, before turning around again. “I don’t know anything either."

Suga bites her lip, worried. “It’s not like her to miss practice,” she murmurs. “Maybe she’s sick?"

“Kageyama never gets sick,” Hinata says, tugging her shirt on. “She’s like immune to everything. Even to bees."

“Even to bees…?” Suga asks in confusion, before shaking her head dismissively. “I’m sure even Kageyama-san can get sick, Hina-chan."

“But she was fine yesterday, I was talking to her last night! Until she stopped answering my calls…” 

“How strange,” Suga thinks. “Well, maybe she’s just late. Let’s go set up, shall we?"

 

She wasn’t late.

By the end of morning practice, their first-year setter still hadn’t turned up. Suga had tried calling once more, but with no response. None of them had any idea where Kageyama could be. It wasn’t until lunchtime that anyone saw her.

Tsukishima had been wandering around the school (definitely not looking for Kageyama, nope, not at all) and passed by Kageyama’s classroom. She had to double glance, surprised to see the girl sat in there, although looking slightly different. Her hair was down for one of the few times Tsukishima had seen it, her fringe brushed straight instead of parting awkwardly on two sides. She was currently staring into her bento, unaware of the world moving around her. Tsukishima frowned? What the hell? If she was in, then why didn’t she go to practice?

She walks into the classroom, ignoring the heads that turn in her direction. “Oi Queen,” she says. She’s not prepared for the look of terror on the other girls face as she notices her arrival. “Where were you this morning?"

Kageyama looks at her, before looking away. “At home."

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow. “Why? It’s not like you to skip practice."

Kageyama looks down at her hands, tucked neatly on her lap. Tsukishima’s never seen her look so submissive before. It freaks her out. “I… I’m quitting the volleyball club,” she says, quietly.

Tsukishima stares. And stares. She lets out a humourless laugh. “No you’re not.” 

Kageyama flinches at the words. “Yes I am.” She says, quietly.

“Why?” Tsukishima says, feeling the anger boiling up inside of her. This wasn’t like her to get so angry, this wasn’t like Kageyama to - to - “You practically live and breathe volleyball, why would you want to stop?"

Kageyama stands abruptly, walking past Tsukishima. “I need to go,” Is all she says.

“Quee- Kageyama,” Tsukishima says, confused and angry. She follows the other girl out of the classroom, down the halls. Kageyama keeps walking, her pace quickening as she tries to lose the other girl, but Tsukishima refuses to let in. She should just let her go; there was obviously something she didn’t want to talk about, but Tsukishima just _couldn’t;_ not after everything they’d been through, not after everything they had become towards one another. Tsukishima pushes her feelings down; this wasn’t about that now, this was about something being truly wrong with Kageyama. The other girl dashes into the toilet at the end of the hall; Tsukishima follows, entering in time to hear the telltale click of the lock on one of the toilet doors. “Kageyama,” Tsukishima calls out. “What are you doing?” 

Kageyama doesn’t reply. Tsukishima walks down the length of the toilets, before looking at the floor to see one pair of feet at the end. She knocks on the door. “Kageyama.” 

“Fuck off,” Kageyama says. 

“That sounds a little more like you,” Tsukishima says. “What’s up with you?"

“None of your business.” 

“I feel like it is my business, actually."

“How?"

“I…” Tsukishima stops. _Well, I’m not her girlfriend, so I can’t say that. God damn it…_ “I’m your… ‘Friend’."

“I can hear how much it literally pains you to admit it,” Kageyama mutters. “Just go, Tsukishima."

“So you won’t talk to me?” Tsukishima says. “How annoying.” She slides her phone out of her pocket, looking through her contacts. “Guess I’ll have to bring out the big guns."

“Don’t you dare call Hinata,” Kageyama snarls through the door.

“Come out here and stop me,” Tsukishima says, finger hovering over the call button.

The door unlocks and opens, Kageyama lunging for her phone the moment she sees it. She stumbles into the other girl, who holds the phone out of her grasp. At the feeling of being pressed against one another, Kageyama hops back like she’s been burnt, avoiding eye contact. “This isn’t something you can do anything about.”

“Try me.” Tsukishima says, stepping closer. Kageyama takes a step back until she’s pressed against the wall. Tsukishima continues to walk towards her until they’re stood toe to toe. Kageyama stares up at her, a look of fear in her eyes. Her lip trembles, and she bites down on it to stop it. Tsukishima brings a hand up to her cheek, and Kageyama leans into it subconsciously. “Tell me what’s wrong."

“We have to stop,” Kageyama whispers. She pulls away from Tsukishima’s hand. “I can’t do this anymore."

“Why?” Tsukishima says, frowning. She drops her hand, steps back slightly.

Kageyama just shakes her head. “I’m sorry.” 

“That’s not an answer."

“It’s the only answer you’re getting. I’m sorry.” 

Tsukishima stares at her for a moment, processing the information. She tries not to look as disappointed as she feels. She tries not to let her sadness show on her face as it consumes her. “Okay,” She says, voice thick. “That doesn’t mean you have to quit the volleyball team."

Kageyama shakes her head again. “I have to quit. I have to clear my head of impure thoughts."

“Impure thoughts?” Tsukishima winces. “What is this? What’s going on with you?"

Kageyama stares at her feet. She brings her hand up to twirl her finger around a lock of hair. It looks unnatural and forced. “I’m not like you, Tsukishima. I’m not gay. And you… You can’t make me gay, okay?"

_“What?"_

The bell rings. 

“I have to go,” Kageyama says, moving around the girl. Tsukishima reaches out and grabs her arm.

“Is this some kind of prank?” Tsukishima snarls. She can’t hold back her anger now; how could Kageyama act like this?

“Let go of me,” Kageyama says with a rough voice, yanking her arm away. “Faggot.” She forces out, flinching as she says it. Tsukishima gapes at her as the other girl leaves.

Her insides turn cold.

She stands there for a moment, letting the word sink in. It wasn’t the first time she’d had it directed her way; the sharp pain she’d felt the first time she’d heard it had been enough for her to stop coming out to people in general. It stings now as it stung then, making her feel dirty. She moves to the sink, turning the taps on, shoving her hands under. She grabs the soap, desperately scrubbing at her hands. The water gets hotter, burning her skin, but she doesn’t notice; she’s so used to this by now it takes her a moment to realise what she’s doing. She yelps in pain, stepping back. She stares down at her red shaking hands. She takes a deep breath, moving up to the sink again. Shakily, she turns the taps off, before gently drying her hands on her skirt. She can barely swallow around the lump in her throat. Her heart beats fast in her chest, and she reaches for her phone, dialling the first person she thinks of. 

“Yamaguchi,” she murmurs, relieved to hear the voice on the other side. “I need you.” Yamaguchi doesn’t ask why, just simply asks where she is, before dropping the call and making her way there. She sits on the floor, trying to take deep breaths, waiting for the door to open. The sight of her best friend relaxes her ever so slightly. 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says, running over to her and kneeling in front of her. “Are you alright?"

Tsukki gives a small nod.

Yamaguchi worries her bottom lip. “Be honest, Tsukki."

Tsukishima looks away, before eventually shaking her head.

“You want to talk?"

Tsukishima shakes her head again.

“Okay.” Yamaguchi says, before reaching for Tsukishima’s bag. She pulls her headphones out, plugging in into her own phone before placing them over Tsukishima’s head. She opens up her music, going on her playlist entitled ‘Tsukki’ and pressing play. 

Tsukishima gives her a small smile. “Thanks Tadashi,” she says quietly.

Yamaguchi smiles back. “No problem.” She reaches for Tsukishima’s hand, intertwining them. 

+++

“Still no sign of her, huh,” Suga says, looking around the locker room once more. Tsukishima bites her lip. “I guess she really is sick."

“No she’s not,” Tsukishima murmurs. 

“Huh?” Suga says, wandering over. “Have you seen her?"

Tsukishima nods. She continues to get changed. “She was sat in her classroom at lunch."

“Did she say anything to you?” 

Tsukishima stops. She drops her shirt, turning around to face Suga. The older girl looks at her, worry etched into her expression. “She told me she’s quitting volleyball."

_“What?!”_ Hinata yells, projectiling across the room. “Are you serious right now?! Kageyama would never-"

“That’s what I said,” Tsukishima replies, calmly.

“There’s only one reason Kageyama would quit volleyball,” Hinata says, a serious expression on her face. Tsukishima waits for the answer, knowing that if anyone would be able to tell, it had to be Hinata. “That wasn’t the _real_ Kageyama! She’s a clone!” 

Tsukishima hits the smaller girl on the head. “You’re such a moron.” 

“What?!” Hinata shouts, obviously offended. “Haven’t you ever seen Orphan Black? That stuff could be real!” 

“Please just stop talking for the remainder of this conversation. I think my head might explode from the stupidity."

“Oi!” Hinata glares.

“Stop fighting!” Suga yells, making the two fall silent almost immediately. They stare at their senpai, wide-eyed. “We’re talking about Kageyama here, remember? We need to figure out what’s wrong with her."

“Identity crisis, as usual,” Tsukishima grits out through her teeth, turning back around to continue getting changed. She tugs her t-shirt over her head.

“What do you mean?” Suga asks, “What else did she say?"

Tsukishima says nothing. 

“Tsukishima?"

“She told me she wasn’t gay.” Tsukishima explains quietly. “She’s quitting to rid herself of ‘impure thoughts’, or something like that."

“W-what?” 

“Then she called me a faggot.” Tsukishima says sharply, before turning around and tugging her sweatshirt on. 

“Holy shit,” Noya says, appearing at her side out of no where. “Kageyama said that?"

Tsukishima nods. She doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s obvious Kageyama didn’t like her anymore, didn’t want to be around her anymore - she was _impure,_ liek the rest of them, all of them so _impure,_ all because of their orientation, how could she say those things, how could she act this way, why on earth would she quit volleyball over something like _this_ -

“Kageyama was fine yesterday,” Hinata says, pulling Tsukishima out of her slow dissent into anxiety. “I talked her on the phone last night. She didn’t seem… Gay-hatey then."

“You mean homophobic,” Suga says. Hinata nods. Suga hums, wondering. “Maybe something happened after your call?"

“She didn’t pick up any of my calls after I went to call Noya-senpai, so probably,” Hinata says thoughtfully. 

“Maybe it was - oh!” Suga gasps, before her face falls. “Oh.” 

“Oh?” Daichi asks, stepping up beside her. Tsukishima looks around, seeing that they now had the attention of the entire team. 

“I think…” Suga starts, before biting her lip. “Maybe she told her mother.” 

The room falls into silence. Hinata, unsurprisingly, is the first to break it. “Kageyama’s mum? She wouldn’t - she wouldn’t make her _quit,_ she’s nice! She’s -"

“Hinata,” Suga says quietly. “Parents are unpredictable things, you know.” She sighs, staring at a spot on the ground. “When I told my parents, I thought for sure my dad would object, and my mother would welcome me with open arms. I was so sure of it, so confident when I told her. But she… She didn’t accept me.” Suga says, aware of the spotlight placed on her by her teammates. “She told my dad. You know what happened? He came straight up to my room and hugged me, told me he still loved me. He brought my mum round to the idea eventually, of course, but…” Suga runs a hand through her hair. “It hurt. It felt like I couldn’t trust her anymore.” Daichi puts a hand on her shoulder, and Suga smiles sadly at her. “That’s why I think that maybe that’s what it is about."

“What should we do?” Hinata asks. Tsukishima stands behind her, silently asking the same thing.

Suga glances between the two middle blocker. She bites her lip. “We need to talk to her. Tell her she can’t quit, tell her that we love her for who she is. Convince her that we can be her family if she needs it.” 

“What if it doesn’t work?” Tsukishima asks. “What then?"

“Well,” Suga says, eyes turning cold. “I’ll have to have a chat with her mother."

The room begins to feel unnaturally cold, goosebumps rising on everyones skin at Sugawara’s words. 

“I-is that wise?” Asahi asks, forcing Suga to turn her gaze on her. She yelps. “I just mean - what if you get Kageyama into trouble?"

“I need to try,” Suga says. “ _We_ need to try.” She looks out at all of their concerned faces. “Kageyama is our setter, our teammate. We can’t possibly go on without her. Most importantly, she’s our friend. She needs our help."

“Yeah,” Noya says. “For Kageyama!"

“For Kageyama!” The rest of them chant. 

There’s a loud knock on the door. “What’s takin’ you girls so long, huh? The count ain’t gonna set up itself!” Ukai shouts, and the team hurriedly go back to changing, before dashing off to the gym.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suga, suga, suga............ when will i stop projecting my life onto u huh???????????? 
> 
> i miss kags i hope she is ok


	13. dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kageyama gets a firm talking to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your patience!!!!! i managed to submit one piece of work on time hell yeah. only three more assignments to go before i'm done with my first year of uni!  
> this fic has been with me along the ride, im amazed at every one of you who has stuck around this long. aren't you bored yet? lmao.  
> anyway, we're nearing the end now. not sure if the next chapter will be the last or the penultimate, but we'll see.  
> i love you all so much, thank you for reading so far!

Kageyama was miserable. 

She hadn’t played volleyball for three days and she was already losing the will to live. 

_Maybe I should have stayed in the closet forever._

It’s not like she can take it back now, as much as she wants to; everything was fine before she told her mum. She had volleyball, friends, family, Tsukishima… Now she had nothing.

Her fringe got in her eyes as she sat there in class, desperately trying not to mess it up or touch it. _Girls are meant to be pretty, not play sports,_ her mother had told her. 

_You always let me play sports before._

_That was_ _**different;** I had no idea it was turning my little girl into… Into **this.**_

Kageyama grips her skirt a little tighter in her hands, keeping her gaze forward without any of her teachers words actually going in. She thought back to Monday, Tsukishima chasing after her; she thought about the words that had fallen from her lips, wincing. How could she have said that to the other girl? She hadn’t deserved it. Tsukishima was different; she was allowed to be gay, Kageyama wasn’t. _I’m the faggot,_ Kageyama thinks miserably. _I’m awful. I’m disgusting. I should have known from the beginning._

“Kageyama-san. I’d like to talk to you after class,” Her teacher’s voice rings out over the class as the bell goes, students beginning to file out. Kageyama remains in her seat, staring at her notebook. As the final few students exit the room, Kageyama grabs her things, walking over to the teacher’s desk. She leans against the desk with a concerned expression. “Kageyama-san, have you been feeling alright? Takeda-sensei says you haven’t been turning up to your club activities.” 

Kageyama drops her head. “I quit the team."

“You quit? You?"

“Yes."

“But you love volleyball, Kageyama-san. It’s all you ever talk about."

“Yes, sensei."

Her teacher pauses, staring at her for a moment. “Is everything alright at home?” 

Kageyama flinches, before internally curses. “Everything’s fine."

“You know you can always come to me if there are any problems, Kageyama-san. I won’t tell anyone else, not even your mother."

Kageyama can’t help the peak of interest that arises in her. Would her teacher be okay with it…? Or would she have a similar reaction to her mother? She doesn’t want to risk losing her teacher’s respect as well. “No sensei. Everything is fine."

Her teacher nods, but she looks unsatisfied. “Alright then. Off you go.” 

Kageyama nods, before leaving. School is over and usually she would head off to volleyball practice, but not anymore; she heads to the school roof, waiting for around ten or fifteen minutes while her teammates get changed. She manages to glimpse them as they walk out of the locker room and into the gymnasium; it’s at this point that she finally heads home, knowing she won’t be able to bump into any of them. As she gets to her feet, she hears the doors of the rooftop open, and turns curiously. 

“Kageyama-san. We need to talk.” Sugawara stands there, in full uniform, her long silver hair coming down past her shoulders in one of the few times Kageyama has seen it down. She stares, eyes sharp and determined. 

“I can’t.” Kageyama says, moving to step around her. 

“It wasn’t optional.” Sugawara says, her voice firm and strict. Kageyama pauses, which gives Sugawara enough time to take her hand. “I know what’s going on, Kageyama."

“Nothing’s going on.” 

“Quitting volleyball. Avoiding your friends. Phone off all the time. That’s not nothing."

“It is."

“Your mother knows, doesn’t she?"

Kageyama turns and stares at her in disbelief. “What? How did you-"

“Because I’ve been through the same thing.” Sugawara pulls her over to the railing, taking a seat. Kageyama reluctantly sits beside her.

“My mother will wonder where I am.” 

“Your mother is next,” Sugawara mutters, ignoring the way Kageyama’s eyes go wide. “Listen, I know what you must be feeling right now-"

“KAGEYAMA!” The shriek of her name has her head spinning, unable to even acknowledge whats happening before finding Hinata launching herself at the other girl, arms tight around her neck, her shirt getting damp. 

“Hinata?!” Kageyama says, confused.

“Queen.” Tsukishima’s voice carries over from the door, where the rest of the team stand. Kageyama feels dread build up in our stomach as she meets the other girls eyes - she had been avoiding her the most, desperate not to have to face her after the horrible things she had said. Tsukishima’s expression gives nothing away, but even Kageyama can tell she’s still upset with her. She looks away to the rest of the team, all still dressed in their practice clothes. 

“What are you all doing here? You should be practicing."

“How can we practice without our setter there?!” Hinata screams into her face, and Kageyama belatedly realises the small ginger girl is crying.

“What are you crying for?” Kageyama asks, reaching up to wipe her eyes. She catches herself last minute, putting her hand back down.

“You, you idiot!” Hinata screeches, “How could you quit the club?! Volleyball is everything to us, _everything!”_

“Hinata-“ Sugawara says, trying to tell the small girl that this wasn’t the time. Nothing seemed to be able to stop her, even Nishinoya’s gentle hands resting on her shoulders.

“You promised me you’d get to the top of the world! The world, Kageyama! How can you drop out now over something so stupid?!"

“Stupid?” Kageyama says. Her words begin to bubble up inside of her, as they usually do with Hinata, but the other girl refuses to let her talk.

“This is your dream! This is my dream! It’s _our_ dream, we’re the freak quick duo, aren’t we?! We’re best friends! I can’t get there without you, okay, I admit it!” Hinata yells. “To think you would really give up something like this all because you’re gay! So what?” 

“Hinata-"

“So what if you’re gay? Do you know how many famous volleyball players are lesbians? Or gay? Or bisexual? Or pansexual, or asexual, or, whatever!” Hinata’s face is bright red at this point, her determination spilling into her expression. “You can be whoever _you_ want to be, not who your mother wants you to be!” She huffs and puffs as she sits there, before fiercely wiping her face clear of tears. 

Kageyama is so shocked at her outburst that she doesn’t notice when another person comes over. She looks up from the small crying redhead to the one she’s been hiding from. Tsukishima looks down at her, glasses slightly sliding down her nose. Her hair is in its usual long blonde plait, and Kageyama thinks she’s beautiful. Just as she always has. “It’s time you stopped making a fuss. Come back.” 

Kageyama stares at her before looking around at her teammates, the looks of trust and support in their eyes. She feels tears prickling her eyes before she can stop them; tentatively, she hugs Hinata back and nods. “Okay."

Sugawara shares a look of disbelief with Daichi, as if to say _how did Hinata’s volleyball speech work so well,_ but Daichi just shrugs and smiles. The team cheers, all grabbing at Kageyama for a hug, despite her protests; before they make their way off of the roof. As they head back to practice, Sugawara and Kageyama head off to the changing rooms. As Kageyama pulls on some of Sugawara’s spare gym clothes, she hears her phone going off; she sighs and picks it from her bag. _Mum is calling…_ As she goes to accept the call, Sugawara’s gentle hands wrap around hers, slipping the phone from her fingers. “No phones on in practice, remember?” Sugawara says, smiling softly. 

Kageyama nods gratefully, switching it off and putting it back into her bag. Sugawara goes on ahead, leaving Kageyama by herself for a second. She breathes in the smell of the locker room; it’s just how she remembers, but she embraces it just the same. She looks up at the poster of male models on the wall and can’t help but laugh a little. It was almost ironic. Her chest feels lighter as she emerges the changing room, making her way down to the gymnasium where she can already hear the sounds of balls slamming against the court. She stands at the doorway, looking in at her teammates working hard. 

“Kageyama,” Coach Ukai’s voice rings out and Kageyama dreads the lecture she’s about to get. She heads over to the coach, who simply nods at her, before holding out a hairband. “Put your hair up.” Kageyama takes the band, tying her hair quickly. “It’s good to have you back.” Coach says, before hesitantly ruffling the girls hair and walking away. Kageyama feels her cheeks heat up a little, embarrassed that she even had the coach worrying about her. 

“Oi, Kageyama!” Hinata yells, before she’s there beside her, clinging to her arm. “Toss for me?” 

“Obviously,” Kageyama replies.

In the corner of the gym, Tsukishima smiles.


	14. together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the queers take a big step forward. the team support them, every step of the way.

“Do you want us to walk home with you?” Sugawara asks Kageyama once practice ends. The looks on the faces of the other members tell her how concerned they all are; she can’t help but feel absolutely terrified herself.  

She shakes her head, swiftly but calmly changing back into her school uniform. “It’s fine. I need to talk to her. I have to tell her straight that I’m not going to give up everything I’ve been working for over something so… Over this.” 

She stands, now dressed, tall and proud, and ready to face the world. Tsukishima feels her chest tighten.

“I’ll see you all tomorrow. Thank you for your help today.” Kageyama turns to the small redhead next to her. “Also, you’re not allowed to cry ever again."

“Hah?! You can’t do that! What if I watch a sad movie?"

“Alright, you can cry then. But not over anything else. Your crying face is really snotty and gross.” 

“You wanna fight?!” Hinata screeches, jabbing at Kageyama’s sides. Kageyama continues fighting with her for another moment, before Sugawara’s repressed chuckle breaks through. 

“It’s good to have you back, Kageyama.” 

Kageyama feels her cheeks heat up, and nods. Grabbing her bag, she heads out of the locker room, sparing a single glance in Tsukishima’s direction.

The girl in question turns to face the wall as she hears the dramatic exit of her teammate, deep in thought. 

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asks a few times, finally getting the other girls attention. 

“What.” Tsukishima asks, packing her practice clothes back into her bag. 

“Are you alright? You’ve been quiet. Well, quieter than usual,” Yamaguchi asks, looking concerned. _She’s always so concerned,_ Tsukishima thinks, putting her bag over her shoulder. 

“Fine. I’ve got some stuff to do, so I’ll see you later.” 

“Ah… Alright then.” 

Tsukishima leaves the locker room without another word, ignoring the stares that follow after her. She begins walking home, tugging her phone out of her pocket as she goes. She searches her contacts until she finds her sister’s name. She presses dial, and waits for it to ring.

_“Hello?"_

“Hey, it’s me."

_“Kei? What’s up?"_

“I’ve decided. I’m going to tell her."

 

 +++

 

The walk home is a long and tense one. The previous confidence Kageyama had felt had all but evaporated by the time she stood outside her front door. She bit her lip nervously, staring up at the door looming over her. She hesitantly put her key into the lock, pushing open the door and stepping inside.

“Tobi?” Her mother’s voice calls out almost instantly and Kageyama curses quietly. She remains where she is by the door, listening to the pitter patter of her mothers slippers wandering through the hall. When she comes into view, Kageyama’s taken aback by how scared she looks. “Oh thank goodness! I thought you’d - I thought you’d run away -"

“Why would I run away?” Kageyama asks, confused.

Her mother worries her bottom lip, looking rather sheepish. “When you didn’t come home right away, I…” She hangs her head shamefully. Kageyama stares at her, still utterly confused. Her mother steps forward and Kageyama takes a tentative step backwards. Her mother catches her hands in hers gently, leading her into the kitchen to sit down. Kageyama stares at her mother, waiting for her to give some form of explanation. “I spoke to your father.” 

Kageyama turns stiff in her seat, eyes searching the room for any hint of his presence. “You told him?” She asks, voice weak.

Her mother nods gravely. “He said a lot of… A lot of things. That I couldn’t believe. I mean… You’re still my little girl, Tobi, nothing can change that-“ She seems taken aback herself, before nodding to herself. “When your father put it in the way he does, it made more sense to me.” Kageyama’s eyes widen in terror, but her mother shakes her head. “No, not like that dear - I mean, he sounded so idiotic I began to realise where I had been going wrong.” She sighs, twiddling her thumbs. “Your father never wanted to let you play sport. He wanted you to dress all pretty like the other girls. I didn’t realise that in all my panic I had turned to his… controlling methods.” She shudders slightly, memories flashing to the front of her mind.

“So you’re saying…” Kageyama trails off.

“I was wrong,” her mother admits. “I shouldn’t have… Reacted that way. I-I hope you’ll forgive me.” At Kageyama’s silent staring, she continues. “I love you. You’ll always be my daughter, whether you play volleyball, or don’t wear makeup, or l-like girls.” 

“Thanks mum,” Kageyama says, the weight of her words finally settling in. Her mother wraps her in a hug, pressing a kiss to her head. “I uh, I still have something to say though.” 

Go on dear,” her mother says, looking strangely determined. “Whatever it is, I can take it."

“I… I’m in love with someone,” she says, watching her mother’s expression closely. “I’m in love with Tsukishima."

“The pretty blonde girl you study with?” Her mothers eyebrows raise, but she doesn’t look disgusted, just surprised. “Well then… What do you plan to do about it?"

“Urm,” Kageyama says, “Ask her out, I guess."

“You’re a hopeless romantic,” her mother sighs. “What about flowers? Chocolates? Big declarations?"

“Tsukishima would hate all of that,” Kageyama frowns. 

“You know what she’d like then?” 

Kageyama thinks for a moment. “I think so,” she says, feeling unsure now she’s been put on the spot.

“Then you know what to do, don’t you?” Her mother says. “Now come sit down while I make dinner; then maybe we can watch one of your volleyball games this evening.” 

Kageyama smiles at the effort her mother is putting in, taking a seat at the table. 

 

+++

 

  
**_mama bird_** _has sent a message to **karasuno girls volleyball club:**_

**THE STRONGEST DECOY!!!!!!:** havent hezrd anything :((((((   
**THE STRONGEST DECOY!!!!!!:** *heard  
**egg head:** hinata when did u change ur name to that.  
**egg head:** u know we have a STRICT no-changing-ur-own-nickname-in-the-chat rule!!!!  
**THE STRONGEST DECOY!!!!!!:** uhhhhhhhh  
**THE STRONGEST DECOY!!!!!!:** how do u know it was me? :P  
**actual five year old:** WE KNOW IT WAS U SHOUYOU!!!!!!  
**actual five year old:** now u will suffer the consequences of breaking the rule…………………...  
**THE STRONGEST DECOY!!!!!!:** :O

_**actual five year old** has changed  **THE STRONGEST** **DECOY!!!!!!** 's nickname to **that small chick.**_

**that small chick:** NOYA-SENPAI NOOOO  
 **that small chick:** :’( :’( :’(  
 **actual five year old:** YOU MADE ME DO THIS  
 **mama bird:** guys. this is serious.  
 **mama bird:** we have no idea how her mother could have reacted. what if somethings happened?  
 **crybaby**   **wah wah wah:** im sure she’ll be fine suga...  
 **crybaby wah wah wah:** also can someone change my nickname now please? this one is kind of mean….  
 **mama bird:** don’t be such a   
 **mama bird:** crybaby ;)  
 **crybaby wah wah wah:** why are you so cruel suga...  
 **AYE AYE CAPTAIN:** asahi stop whining. your nickname is fine.   
 **AYE AYE CAPTAIN:** im sure kageyama is fine suga. just give her and her mum time to talk :D  
 **mama bird:** ...  
 **mama bird:** and what if its gone to shit? what if her mother like,  
 **mama bird:** kicks her out, or something even worse,  
 **AYE AYE CAPTAIN:** suga, calm down. im sure kageyamas mother would never dream of doing something so drastic.  
 **mama bird:** you wouldn’t know daichi. you have no idea what its like coming out to your parents.  
 **AYE AYE CAPTAIN:** i… i guess you’re right. sorry.   
 **mama bird:** no, i’m sorry... i shouldn’t have been so harsh.   
 **mama bird:** i’m just worried.  
 **that small chick:** i can call her if you like???  
 **mama bird:** i already tried, but you try. maybe she’ll pick up.  
 **that small chick:** okkkkk  
 **that small chick:** shes not picking up :((( ive got her voicemail like 4 times  
 **mama bird:** oh god.  
 **that small chick:** do u really think something might have happened?????????????????????!  
 **mama bird:** i don’t know for sure.   
 **that small chick:** what do we do D: D: D:  
 **who are u again :/:** we could go round her house  
 **actual five year old:** lmao nobody changed ennoshitas name back from when we had that argument  
 **actual five year old:** i got u fam ;)

_**actual five year old** changed **who are u again :/** ’s nickname to **CHIKI-CHIKI.**_

**CHIKI-CHIKI:** why.  
 **actual five year old:** its cute!!!   
 **CHIKI-CHIKI:** i think i preferred the other one.  
 **actual five year old:** do u wanna fight chikara  
 **actual five year old:** DO U WANNA FUCKING FUCK  
 **actual five year old:** *fight  
 **actual five year old:** or did i mean the first one ;)))))))))))))))  
 **CHIKI-CHIKI:** no to both. i have higher standards.  
 **actual five year old:** CHIKARAAAAA  
 **mama bird:** guys!!! concentrate  
 **mama bird:** you said we could go round her house eno-chan?  
 **CHIKI-CHIKI:** its an idea.   
 **mama bird:** hina-chan you know where kageyama-san lives right?  
 **that small chick:** i do!!!  
 **mama bird:** whos up for a small trip to kageyama-sans?  
 **that small chick:** ME  
 **CHIKI-CHIKI:** i’ll come.  
 **AYE AYE CAPTAIN:** me too!  
 **crybaby wah wah wah:** i guess… if you need me to...  
 **actual five year old:** MEEEE  
 **egghead:** TRUSTED SENPAI MUST HELP OUT THEIR KOUHAIS!!  
 **freckleberry:** me too!!  
 **that small chick:** yamaguchi when did u get here  
 **freckleberry:** i was here the whole time..  
 **that small chick:** oh  
 **that small chick:** lol  
 **mama bird:** meet outside school gates in a bit??  
 **that small chick:** okay!!!

 

+++

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Akiteru asks her sister as they sit in their living room. 

“It’s now or never,” Tsukishima says, staring at the hallway. They sit together for  while longer, waiting. 

“I’ll always support you you know,” Akiteru says, taking her sisters hand. Tsukishima resists the urge to pull her hand away. “Whatever she says. I’m always here."

“I know,” Tsukishima says, nodding. She’s grateful for her sister to be there; she didn’t think she could face it alone. All she knew was that she had to do this. 

The familiar sound of keys jingling in the door make them both rigid, two pairs of eyes whipping back to the hallway. 

“I’m home,” their mother calls out, popping her head around into the living room with a smile on her face. “Oh you’re both here! Sat together! This is a surprise.” 

“Mum,” Tsukishima starts, “I need to talk to you."

The smile falls from her face as she walks into the room. She begins to frown. “Are you in trouble? Did you do something bad?"

“Just sit down, will you?” Akiteru says.

“I’d rather stand,” she says, dropping her bag on the sofa. “Go on then, out with it. You’ve been kicked out of school. You beat someone up. Yamaguchi’s in hospital. You’re pregnant-"

“I’m gay, mum."

“-You’re gay - oh! I got it right. Well, you said it first, but I was still listing, so I think it counts.” She looks at Tsukishima expectantly. Tsukishima stares back, unsure what else to say. 

“That’s it?” Tsukishima eventually says.

“Oh sorry dear, did you expect me to be surprised? I can pretend if you like.” Tsukishima stares at her mother in shock. “You’re gay? Oh gosh golly! Who would have thought,” she puts her hands on her hips, looking down at her two gaping children. She laughs at their surprised expressions. “What? Did you expect me to be mad?"

The two glance at each other. “Akiteru told me I shouldn’t tell you yet,” Tsukishima eventually says.

“Aki! You think I’m a bigot?”She frowns down at her daughter. Akiteru has it in her to look sheepish.

“N-no! I just - I wasn’t sure how you’d react, okay? I was trying to figure out -"

“How I feel about gay people, hmm? Is this why you’ve been quizzing me on Lady Gaga so much lately?” She hums, watching Akiteru’s face turn red. Tsukishima glares at her sister. “You dummies. I love my kids, regardless of who they love. Get over here!” She flings her arms open expectantly, clicking her fingers a few times when Tsukishima hesitates. “Come here babies,” she says. Tsukishima rolls her eyes before giving up and stepping towards her. “I love you, okay?"

“I love you too,” Tsukishima mumbles.

“Did Kei just say something sentimental?! Aki, get the camera!” 

“No!” Tsukishima yells, struggling to get free. Escape is impossible however, with her mothers super tight grip keeping her firmly in place while Akiteru grabs the camera on the  coffee table and turns it on. She snaps a few pictures, their mother pulling various poses while hugging a perturbed-looking Tsukishima. When she is eventually released, she coughs a little for dramatic emphasis and brushes her clothes down. 

“I can’t believe you thought I’d be mad,” their mother laughs, ruffling her daughters hair. Tsukishima dashes out of the way, attempting to put distance between her and her family members. “You utter idiots.” 

“Sorry,” Akiteru mutters, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. 

“Come here, you!” Akiteru is made to face the same fate as her sister, death tight hug caught on camera by her sister. Tsukishima takes a small amount of pleasure in seeing her sister face the same torture. While they’re mucking around, Tsukishima tugs her phone from her pocket to check for messages; she’d turned it off while waiting for their mother to arrive, not wanting to be disturbed by any teammates. Turning it on found a large spam of messages to the volleyball chat, all worrying about a certain setter; Tsukishima had been so busy with her own coming out she’d forgotten all about Kageyama’s situation. She felt her insides twist as she read Suga’s words, worrying if they were coming true right this moment. 

“So Kei,” her mother finally says, one arm wrapped lazily around Akiteru. “Is there a certain girl you’ve got your eye on?” 

“Uhh,” Tsukishima answers, looking between her phone and her family. “I - yes - but I need to -"

“Awwww, Kei!” She’s tackled all over again, desperately trying to get away to read the text messages. “What’s her name? Does she like you back?"

“Get off me,” Tsukishima grumbles. “I need to go do something. Urgently."

“Oooh, something to do with your girlfriend?"

“She’s not my girl- shut up!” She says, removing herself from the other two and grabbing her bag. “I’m leaving. See you later."

Her sister and mother coo after her, laughing at the redness spreading across Tsukishima’s face as the door slams.

Tsukishima grumbles as she makes her way to Kageyama’s house - thankfully she knew the way and didn’t need to worry about catching up with the others. They had already met up half an hour ago; she’d have to hurry up to get there. 

The unknown outcomes of Kageyama’s talk with her mother ran around her head, keeping her moving faster and faster. She texted Kageyama a few times to see if she would reply, but like the others was greeted with no response. By the time she’d gotten to Kageyama’s road she was breaking into a sprint.

  

+++

 

Kageyama was in the middle of explaining one of the techniques used in the match they were watching to her mother when the doorbell rang. “I wonder who that could be,” Kageyama’s mother says, getting up. Kageyama pauses the game, despite her mother’s insistence to continue without her. Kageyama waits quietly on the sofa before she hears a sudden burst of a dozen different voices. Curiously, she sticks her head round the door into the hallway to see what the fuss is about.

“We demand to see Kageyama!” Hinata’s voice carries, “You can’t keep her from volleyball, or lock her up in a dungeon, or send her away to bad camps!” 

“Hina-chan, hush,” Suga says, “Sorry to bother you, we just really wanted to check if Kageyama-san was alright. She hasn’t replied to our messages-"

“Kageyamaaaa, your senpai are here to save you!” Tanaka and Noya’s voices ring out as they spot Kageyama appear behind her mother looking completely embarrassed.

“What are you guys doing here?” She asks, looking at all of their expressions turn to relief.

“You’re okay!” Suga says, grinning at her. 

“Yeah…? Why would I be?” Kageyama asks, confused.

“Because of…” Asahi says, before looking towards Kageyama’s mother. 

“Oh right,” Kageyama says, feeling her face flush. “It’s uh, it’s all okay now. You guys didn’t need to worry."

“You didn’t answer your phone, idiot!” Hinata yells, “How were we not supposed to worry?"

“All this is because of me?” Kageyama’s mother says in a small voice. The rest of them turn silent at her speaking. “I… I had no idea."

“It’s okay, really-“ Kageyama starts.

“It isn’t, Tobi. The way I acted… I shouldn’t have. I’m so grateful to you all for looking out for my Tobi-chan when I didn’t. I’m sorry to taking your setter away from you these past few days.” She bows her head apologetically, stunning the entire team. They look between each other before staring at Kageyama. Kageyama nods. 

“That’s alright Kageyama-san,” Suga eventually says. “My mother took some time to adjust to it as well. It isn’t something that’s easy to come to terms with; it was even harder for Kageyama herself to realise it, right?"

“Yeah,” Kageyama says quietly, looking away. She doesn’t really like to remember her little breakdown.

“Would you all like to come in for tea? We’re watching one of Tobi’s volleyball games,” she offers. The team all nod and bundle inside before Kageyama can even tell them to get lost. However, as she finds herself sat amongst her friends and mother, she finds herself quite content. Except for one thing. 

“Where’s Tsukishima?” She asks. Her teammates look between each other, before finally looking at Yamaguchi.

“She said she had something important to do,” is all Yamaguchi can offer, leaving Kageyama confused and a little disappointed that she hadn’t appeared amongst her teammates. She finally turns her phone on, reading through the hundreds of messages she’d accustomed. She reads through the group chat, the concerned messages making her heart swell; she finally notices the text messages from Tsukishima and clicks on them.

 

_**4 new messages from: Kei** _

__

_**Kei:** how did it go?  
_ _**Kei:** are you alright? please just reply  
_ _**Kei:** i’m coming over  
_ _**Kei:** you better be okay or I will murder you_

Kageyama feels her cheeks blush at the concern Tsukishima shows; she’s just about to reply when she hears the doorbell ring. Her mother gets up to get it but Kageyama dashes for the door first, swinging it open to see an out of breath red-faced Tsukishima. 

“Queen,” Tsukishima gasps out, “You’re okay.” She rights herself, standing straight, and frowns. “I ran all that way and you fine this whole time? How annoying-"

Before she can say another word, Kageyama propels herself forward and kisses her; her arms sliding around her neck as she finds her footing. Tsukishima startles at the sudden kiss before wrapping her arms around the other girls waist, sighing contently into her mouth. The moment is so perfect, so wonderful; Kageyama can’t help but feel pure bliss and freedom in this moment right now. They stand together like that for a while, just kissing and hugging; before Kageyama finally pulls back to breathe. She shoves her face into Tsukishima’s shoulder. 

“Thanks,” she says.

“For what?"

“For everything. For running here, for being concerned, for helping me, for being you, I just -"

“I don’t like kind Kageyama. It’s creeping me out."

“Fuck you, I’m trying to show my gratitude!”

“You can stop now, please."

“Bitch,” Kageyama huffs, before kissing her again. 

When they break apart a second time, Tsukishima stares down into her blue eyes, and gently brushes some hair out of them. “I told my mum.” 

“You what?!"

“I told her I was gay. She was irritatingly fine with it. Turns out Akiteru had been reading the situation wrong the entire time."

“That’s… Amazing,” is all Kageyama can say, before she’s kissing her again. 

A throat clearing from behind her sends them both jumping away from each other and staring in that direction. Kageyama’s mother watches them calmly. The two girls faces turn red at the sight of her. “I was just…” Kageyama starts, before her mother cuts her off.

“It’s alright dear,” she says, stepping forward towards Tsukishima. “Well then. Tsukishima-san, it’s nice to meet you."

“We’ve met before, Kageyama-san."

“Not as Tobi’s girlfriend we haven’t."

“Girlfriend?” Tsukishima says, blushing. Kageyama slaps her hand on her forehead.

“Is that not what this is?” Her mother asks calmly. “Because if not, I wish to know what intentions you have with my daughter if not romantic ones."

“I,” Tsukishima says, glancing between the mother and daughter. “I have romantic intentions towards your daughter, I just don’t think she reciprocates.” She says lamely.

“I do!” Kageyama yells, “Idiot, why wouldn’t I?"

“So you want to be my…” Tsukishima waves her hand and mumbles a little.

“Girlfriend, yes,” Kageyama says, a little louder and clearer.

“Okay,” Tsukishima says. “Alright then."

“Good."

Kageyama’s mother offers her hand once again, and Tsukishima takes it.

“Hi,” she starts. “I’m Tsukishima Kei. Kagey- Tobi’s girlfriend."

Kageyama’s mother smiles. “You’ve picked a good one, Tobi-chan.” 

“Thank you,” she mumbles, before turning around to the doorway to see the entire volleyball team watching them. “Oh christ,” she groans, as they all burst into cheering. A familiar pair of arms wrap around Kageyama’s neck first, followed by a bright orange head of hair. 

“You big idiot!” Hinata laughs in her ear, and she’s so thankful for the way her heart no longer flutters, how her eyes fly back to Tsukishima at a seconds notice, how Hinata is her best friend. “I knew you’d sort it all out in the end."

“It took a while,” Tsukishima says, hesitantly taking Kageyama’s hand. Kageyama holds on tightly. “But you got there."

“I did,” she says. “Now there’s only one thing left to do."

“Which is?"

Kageyama looks around at her teammates as they laugh and cheer, at her girlfriend at her side and her best friend hugging her and grins. “Get to nationals, of course."

 

_fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello. 
> 
> it's finally finished. i'm so happy that so many people have read this silly little fanfiction; i had no idea anyone would even want to read it, yet here it is, currently with 253 kudos and 3487 hits. honestly, if at least one person had read it and enjoyed it, that'd be enough for me. i hope you all like the ending. after posting the teaser for the last chapter i got a sudden burst of comments about kagehina as endship like,,, guys,,, i literally did a poll MONTHS AGO on who would be the endgame ship! but yeah. i hope not too many people are disappointed. im quite happy with the ending. once again, sorry for the millionth time for how long it took for me to write this lol. its hard to find time when you're drunk 80% of the time (lmao) but yeah. im a bit emotional about ending this fic. pls come talk to me on twitter (@nauticee) or tumblr (nauticee.tumblr.com or captain-volleyball.tumblr.com) or follow my instagram for cute pics of me dressed as hinata xoxox (@nauticee) 
> 
> love you all! <3

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to follow me/talk to me on tumblr: nauticee.tumblr.com   
> or follow my captain blog: captain-volleyball.tumblr.com


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